I haven't blogged in forever!!!!!!! I should really be cleaning the house right now and packing but I decided to do this instead.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? I traveled to 2 different countries. I had never been outside the United States until this last summer. It was a blast!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any last year, but this year I am going to make only 1.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Cousins!
4. Did anyone close to you die? No and I hope everyone still has many years left in them.
5. What countries did you visit? Jamaica and The Cayman Islands. I'll make it to Europe one of these days.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Motivation.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day I had my surgery, the presidential inauguration, all the cruise dates, and every special moment I shared with Jordan this year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting through one of the hardest summer school sessions known to man, getting a great job, and completing over 100 hours of college level course work.
9. What was your biggest failure? Being too lazy!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Still sort of battling it today. Hopefully we'll find a remedy soon.
11. What was the best thing you bought? a car
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jordan, for being a kick-ass student and doing so well at a really good University!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Pop culture, people need to get their own lives.
14. Where did most of your money go? Rent, rent, rent, rent. And groceries.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? finishing enough school to begin the ordering process for my Aggie ring!
16. What song will always remind you of 2009? I don't know if I really have one...probably a lady gaga song because every station plays her so that's all I heard all year.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? a) happier b) probably about 10 pounds heavier but I don't care c) not rich, but definitely more money in the bank
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Study
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? sitting on the couch
20. How did you spend Christmas? Same as usual. Christmas Eve with my Grandparents and extended family then Christmas morning and day at my father's with immediate family.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009? I've been in love since 2005 and I continue to fall more deeply in love with him every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Started watching Grey's Anatomy this year and although it's not my favorite it was probably the only one I watched on a weekly basis.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I never hate, it's so cruel.
24. What was the best book you read? I read Angels and Demons, the only book I had time to read and it was OK.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? All the music I discovered in my Guitar Heroes class last spring.
26. What did you want and get? A job and a job.
27. What did you want and not get? Painfree months.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 22 and had a nice dinner with Jordan :)
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? better grades this fall.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? lazy college student who has no fashion sense
32. What kept you sane? Jordan Michael Dees and God.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None whatsoever.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Bailouts.
35. Who did you miss? My mother.
36. Who was the best new person you met? All the peeps at TTI!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Perseverance
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Don't really have one, but you can never go wrong with "The road goes on forever and the party never ends!"
If you've made it through to the end consider yourself tagged...and leave me a comment to let me know you did it so I can go read your blog post!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Bored, so I'm going talk about myself...hope that's OK.
I stole this from a Blog I occasionally read while at work. I believe reading the blogs of women who have "been there and done that" has opened my eyes to a whole new world of understanding. I can get a taste of what the days ahead of me will bring and have a few laughs along the way. Since I don't have anything in particular to talk about, I'm going to ramble about myself because, well who really wants to learn Spanish anyway?
The phone rings. Who will it be?
most likely Jordan, Shelly, or my little brother calling to complain about a smell in the kitchen or that I forgot to wash my dishes before I went over to Jordan's.
When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes, but you have to be careful when you shop at HEB now-a-days because those carts will lock up on you if you go outside of the boundaries and the little lines they have painted that mark the boundary are very, very deceiving.
In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Definitely a listener, which is annoying to me sometimes because professors love to make "class participation" 20% of my final grade, meaning I have to come up with something insightful to say during discussions which would be fun but I can never come up with something meaningful to contribute. Maybe this is why my GPA is stuck at a 3.0.
Do you take compliments well?
I don't know, I usually never believe the person. I think they are just saying it to be nice. Irregardless, I always say "thank you".
Do you play Sudoku?
Definitely, positively, absolutely not. Numbers make me sweat and throw things across rooms in frustration. Cross-words I will do though!
If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
I would try and find a way but there is no way I could do what Bear Grills does. Hopefully a will to live and see Jordan again would get me through starvation, hypothermia, dehydration, etc.
Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
The regular day camps and vacation bible schools. Nothing exciting.
What was your favorite game as a kid?
Chutes and Ladders and M&M poker. Enough said.
Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
Depends, Jordan is Lutheran and I was raised Catholic. Both religions are very similar but we have both sort of drifted away from our denominations. I think we're a good combination of Lutheranism and Catholicism now. However, I think if someone were to have a completely different view on faith than I it would be difficult.
Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
I liked to do both, although I definitely pursued Jordan more than he pursued me. Hell, I initiated our first kiss.
Use three words to describe yourself?
math-illiterate, caring (too much sometimes), carefree
Do any songs make you cry?
no, unless it's an emotional setting, like say on my wedding day and a song my mother absolutely adored was being played while I walked down the aisle, then yes. I would bawl my eyes out.
Are you continuing your education?
I am currently 2 semesters away from receiving my bachelor's degree in History and then hopefully in another 2 years I will get my Master's! So yes.
Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes, my sister Rebecca and I did at the Katy Mall one night years ago. They were actually really funny. I remember that night like it was yesterday.
How often do you read books?
When I am not in school...so not nearly as often as I wish I could
Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I think a lot about the past because the memories are all I have of my mother. I think about the present when worrying about school assignments or work duties. The future is filled with my dreams of wedding days and owning a house....
What is your favorite children’s book?
I think the Dr. Suess books were pretty awesome. The book I first read on my own was "Green Eggs and Ham".
What color are your eyes?
green, sometimes a faint blue, sometimes a gray. They change depending on my mood, what I'm wearing, or the weather.
Where is your dream house located?
Wherever Jordan and I are happy.
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
The picture of my parents, my guitar, and I guess Jordan since he probably wouldn't wake up to the alarm.
When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
For Jordan and I's three year anniversary last Halloween. It was the first time I had ever been to an Olive Garden and I haven't gone back since.
Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
To work/school, about 7 miles down the road.
Do you like mustard?
I LOVE honey mustard with pretty much everything. Can't go wrong with that stuff.
Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep! I'll wake up when I am hungry but sleep ftw.
Do you look like your mom or dad?
I think I have traits from both. It's hard to tell, all us Stevensons look very different from each other, although, people would love to tell us otherwise.
How long does it take you in the shower?
about 7 minutes unless I am shaving my legs...then it's about 17-25 minutes.
Can you do the splits?
Absolutely not. I am the most inflexible person to walk this earth.
What movie do you want to see right now?
None, really. Not a big movie-goer.
What did you do for New Year’s?
Cooked for the Dees's and then drank wine and chatted with Jordan and his mother for the rest of the night.
Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Never really saw The Grudge. Not really into that stuff.
Do you own a camera phone?
Yes, but I never use it because the quality is so crappy.
What’s the last letter of your middle name?
E
How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
I wish I could get 10 but usually around 8 or 9. I go to bed early on purpose.
Do you like Care Bears?
I did when I was little, probably not so much now.
What do you buy at the movies?
We ALWAYS get popcorn and a slushie to share. ALWAYS.
Do you know how to play poker?
Somewhat, but not really. Now M&M poker, that's my game.
Do you wear your seat belt?
It's a habit so I always have it on. Feels weird when it's off.
How many meals do you eat a day?
Probably 2 solid meals a day during the week and 3 good ones a day on the weekends with dessert.
Do you like funny or serious people better?
I like people to have a good time and laid back but take care of business when that time comes around.
Ever been to L.A.?
No, but I do want to go to California really soon.
Did you eat a cookie today?
I never really eat a lot of cookies.
Do you hate chocolate?
I LOVE chocolate
Are you a gullible person?
If I am having a slow morning then yes, but usually I am on top of my game.
Are you easy to get along with?
I'd like to think so.
The phone rings. Who will it be?
most likely Jordan, Shelly, or my little brother calling to complain about a smell in the kitchen or that I forgot to wash my dishes before I went over to Jordan's.
When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes, but you have to be careful when you shop at HEB now-a-days because those carts will lock up on you if you go outside of the boundaries and the little lines they have painted that mark the boundary are very, very deceiving.
In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Definitely a listener, which is annoying to me sometimes because professors love to make "class participation" 20% of my final grade, meaning I have to come up with something insightful to say during discussions which would be fun but I can never come up with something meaningful to contribute. Maybe this is why my GPA is stuck at a 3.0.
Do you take compliments well?
I don't know, I usually never believe the person. I think they are just saying it to be nice. Irregardless, I always say "thank you".
Do you play Sudoku?
Definitely, positively, absolutely not. Numbers make me sweat and throw things across rooms in frustration. Cross-words I will do though!
If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
I would try and find a way but there is no way I could do what Bear Grills does. Hopefully a will to live and see Jordan again would get me through starvation, hypothermia, dehydration, etc.
Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
The regular day camps and vacation bible schools. Nothing exciting.
What was your favorite game as a kid?
Chutes and Ladders and M&M poker. Enough said.
Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
Depends, Jordan is Lutheran and I was raised Catholic. Both religions are very similar but we have both sort of drifted away from our denominations. I think we're a good combination of Lutheranism and Catholicism now. However, I think if someone were to have a completely different view on faith than I it would be difficult.
Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
I liked to do both, although I definitely pursued Jordan more than he pursued me. Hell, I initiated our first kiss.
Use three words to describe yourself?
math-illiterate, caring (too much sometimes), carefree
Do any songs make you cry?
no, unless it's an emotional setting, like say on my wedding day and a song my mother absolutely adored was being played while I walked down the aisle, then yes. I would bawl my eyes out.
Are you continuing your education?
I am currently 2 semesters away from receiving my bachelor's degree in History and then hopefully in another 2 years I will get my Master's! So yes.
Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes, my sister Rebecca and I did at the Katy Mall one night years ago. They were actually really funny. I remember that night like it was yesterday.
How often do you read books?
When I am not in school...so not nearly as often as I wish I could
Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I think a lot about the past because the memories are all I have of my mother. I think about the present when worrying about school assignments or work duties. The future is filled with my dreams of wedding days and owning a house....
What is your favorite children’s book?
I think the Dr. Suess books were pretty awesome. The book I first read on my own was "Green Eggs and Ham".
What color are your eyes?
green, sometimes a faint blue, sometimes a gray. They change depending on my mood, what I'm wearing, or the weather.
Where is your dream house located?
Wherever Jordan and I are happy.
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
The picture of my parents, my guitar, and I guess Jordan since he probably wouldn't wake up to the alarm.
When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
For Jordan and I's three year anniversary last Halloween. It was the first time I had ever been to an Olive Garden and I haven't gone back since.
Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
To work/school, about 7 miles down the road.
Do you like mustard?
I LOVE honey mustard with pretty much everything. Can't go wrong with that stuff.
Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep! I'll wake up when I am hungry but sleep ftw.
Do you look like your mom or dad?
I think I have traits from both. It's hard to tell, all us Stevensons look very different from each other, although, people would love to tell us otherwise.
How long does it take you in the shower?
about 7 minutes unless I am shaving my legs...then it's about 17-25 minutes.
Can you do the splits?
Absolutely not. I am the most inflexible person to walk this earth.
What movie do you want to see right now?
None, really. Not a big movie-goer.
What did you do for New Year’s?
Cooked for the Dees's and then drank wine and chatted with Jordan and his mother for the rest of the night.
Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Never really saw The Grudge. Not really into that stuff.
Do you own a camera phone?
Yes, but I never use it because the quality is so crappy.
What’s the last letter of your middle name?
E
How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
I wish I could get 10 but usually around 8 or 9. I go to bed early on purpose.
Do you like Care Bears?
I did when I was little, probably not so much now.
What do you buy at the movies?
We ALWAYS get popcorn and a slushie to share. ALWAYS.
Do you know how to play poker?
Somewhat, but not really. Now M&M poker, that's my game.
Do you wear your seat belt?
It's a habit so I always have it on. Feels weird when it's off.
How many meals do you eat a day?
Probably 2 solid meals a day during the week and 3 good ones a day on the weekends with dessert.
Do you like funny or serious people better?
I like people to have a good time and laid back but take care of business when that time comes around.
Ever been to L.A.?
No, but I do want to go to California really soon.
Did you eat a cookie today?
I never really eat a lot of cookies.
Do you hate chocolate?
I LOVE chocolate
Are you a gullible person?
If I am having a slow morning then yes, but usually I am on top of my game.
Are you easy to get along with?
I'd like to think so.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Can I be self-centered and whiny for a moment?
I have such a lack of motivation these days. I can barely make myself do my school assignments. I can barely make myself do anything, nonetheless, and I am so tired all of the time. For instance, last night I fell asleep on Jordan's couch at 8:20pm. My goodness, IT WASN'T EVEN 9 YET! I'm only 21 years old for Pete's sake, not 84! OK, so I may be turning 22 in a couple of weeks, but still....
I don't know what's happened to me. I don't know how I could have become so lazy. I want to do better, I really do, but I don't know how. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's the truth.
I find myself worrying about a lot of things lately. Worrying about my grades, my future, my life after death, my faith, my relationship, my bank account, my choices, my ability to do anything well, and etc. I worry if I'll ever gain the motivation to do well in school ever again, or if I'm just going to lay back and let the GPA fall down...down...down. My GPA is fine right now, and it's only the 3rd week of the semester, but I feel so overwhelmed.
There are things I still love. I love sitting on a porch with my family and laughing. I love talking with Jordan's Mother one-on-one until 12:30am. I love spending time with just Jordan, laying in bed all Sunday afternoon laughing and not having to worry about a single school assignment for hours. I love going to Aggie football games or sitting in front of the television and watching other universities duke it out on the gridiron while I wait for the next game at Kyle Field to begin. I love to sleep and come home to a clean house...
I love not having to worry.
I just don't want to do it anymore. I am so tired of school. I want to finish. I am so close yet so far.
I am being a child.
This is a part of growing up. This is all about learning to take on responsibilities and taking care of business. A part of this excites me. The thought of graduating from a top ranked university in the country thrills me to no end. I dream every day about the time when I can own my own house, bought with the money both my husband and I worked hard for every day at our jobs. The day when I can come home and cook a full meal that doesn't require me to stick something in a microwave for 3 minutes, remove and stir, and nuke for an additional 2 more minutes. I can't wait to share a life with the man I love more than anything in this world.
My impatience is getting the best of me.
So, I call out to my older and wiser friends and siblings. Those who have walked down this road before and can shed a little a light on my situation. I know school will end sooner than I know it, and I know it will take a lot of self discipline to get my mind in the right state to complete my scholastic duties, but at a time when I feel like my whirlwind of mediocrity and self-pity won't end I need the guidance of one person to get me through this. To remind me that what I feel and think of today is minute when compared to what is waiting for me in the future, if I have lived a faithful life.... The Lord will see me through and I have to remind myself that what some are experiencing at this moment is far worse than what I may ever come across, and that I should be grateful and thankful for the opportunities I am given and the people and things I am blessed with every day.
Maybe sometimes too much wisdom isn't such a great thing.
- Shirley
I don't know what's happened to me. I don't know how I could have become so lazy. I want to do better, I really do, but I don't know how. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's the truth.
I find myself worrying about a lot of things lately. Worrying about my grades, my future, my life after death, my faith, my relationship, my bank account, my choices, my ability to do anything well, and etc. I worry if I'll ever gain the motivation to do well in school ever again, or if I'm just going to lay back and let the GPA fall down...down...down. My GPA is fine right now, and it's only the 3rd week of the semester, but I feel so overwhelmed.
There are things I still love. I love sitting on a porch with my family and laughing. I love talking with Jordan's Mother one-on-one until 12:30am. I love spending time with just Jordan, laying in bed all Sunday afternoon laughing and not having to worry about a single school assignment for hours. I love going to Aggie football games or sitting in front of the television and watching other universities duke it out on the gridiron while I wait for the next game at Kyle Field to begin. I love to sleep and come home to a clean house...
I love not having to worry.
I just don't want to do it anymore. I am so tired of school. I want to finish. I am so close yet so far.
I am being a child.
This is a part of growing up. This is all about learning to take on responsibilities and taking care of business. A part of this excites me. The thought of graduating from a top ranked university in the country thrills me to no end. I dream every day about the time when I can own my own house, bought with the money both my husband and I worked hard for every day at our jobs. The day when I can come home and cook a full meal that doesn't require me to stick something in a microwave for 3 minutes, remove and stir, and nuke for an additional 2 more minutes. I can't wait to share a life with the man I love more than anything in this world.
My impatience is getting the best of me.
So, I call out to my older and wiser friends and siblings. Those who have walked down this road before and can shed a little a light on my situation. I know school will end sooner than I know it, and I know it will take a lot of self discipline to get my mind in the right state to complete my scholastic duties, but at a time when I feel like my whirlwind of mediocrity and self-pity won't end I need the guidance of one person to get me through this. To remind me that what I feel and think of today is minute when compared to what is waiting for me in the future, if I have lived a faithful life.... The Lord will see me through and I have to remind myself that what some are experiencing at this moment is far worse than what I may ever come across, and that I should be grateful and thankful for the opportunities I am given and the people and things I am blessed with every day.
Maybe sometimes too much wisdom isn't such a great thing.
- Shirley
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Another year, another storm weathered.
This weekend was like every other weekend. I loathed at the amount of homework I had to complete and the ever growing stress of the coming up week was making me very unhappy. I went down to Houston Saturday night to visit with Jordan's father and stepmother for the night. We ate at a Mexican food restaurant, shared a few stories, and even managed to laugh a few times (a rare occasion).
Still, something just wasn't right.
I was quiet and feeling a little down for most of the weekend. I believed it was just the stress taking its toll on me. When we returned to College Station I realized everything that I had to accomplish this week, and took some of my frustrations out on Jordan. I was tired, had no desire to sit on the computer and figure out math problems I didn't understand, and read 50+ pages over abolitionism. Jordan left for campus a little annoyed. I was perturbed and upset.
While I was doing my homework this evening, a storm began to roll in. I mean, we haven't seen a significant amount of rainfall here since probably April. I had begun to forget what thunder had sounded like. Suddenly, the skies opened up and the rain fell, and it fell hard. Lightning flashed ferociously and the thunder wailed. Car alarms were sounding throughout our street and branches were flying off the trees. The wind howled, and soon enough, hail began pelting our roof and windows. I watched in awe as mother nature took out its fury on our street. Trying to relieve the stresses of the drought.
Suddenly the rain stopped. I walked outside to survey the damage and upon reaching our driveway, was confronted with a full blown, double arced rainbow sitting in the sky over my house. I just stood there and couldn't help but smile. A thought crossed my mind at that moment. Here I was worried about school and getting things done. I was fretting about the amount of work I would have to weather in the coming week and had forgotten about my rewards.
Sometimes you have to be reminded by the ones you love that even though times may get dark and stormy, there will always be someone waiting for you on the other side, ready to greet you with a rainbow.
Thanks, and Happy Birthday Mom.
until then,
I love you always.
Still, something just wasn't right.
I was quiet and feeling a little down for most of the weekend. I believed it was just the stress taking its toll on me. When we returned to College Station I realized everything that I had to accomplish this week, and took some of my frustrations out on Jordan. I was tired, had no desire to sit on the computer and figure out math problems I didn't understand, and read 50+ pages over abolitionism. Jordan left for campus a little annoyed. I was perturbed and upset.
While I was doing my homework this evening, a storm began to roll in. I mean, we haven't seen a significant amount of rainfall here since probably April. I had begun to forget what thunder had sounded like. Suddenly, the skies opened up and the rain fell, and it fell hard. Lightning flashed ferociously and the thunder wailed. Car alarms were sounding throughout our street and branches were flying off the trees. The wind howled, and soon enough, hail began pelting our roof and windows. I watched in awe as mother nature took out its fury on our street. Trying to relieve the stresses of the drought.
Suddenly the rain stopped. I walked outside to survey the damage and upon reaching our driveway, was confronted with a full blown, double arced rainbow sitting in the sky over my house. I just stood there and couldn't help but smile. A thought crossed my mind at that moment. Here I was worried about school and getting things done. I was fretting about the amount of work I would have to weather in the coming week and had forgotten about my rewards.
Sometimes you have to be reminded by the ones you love that even though times may get dark and stormy, there will always be someone waiting for you on the other side, ready to greet you with a rainbow.
Thanks, and Happy Birthday Mom.
until then,
I love you always.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sometimes I wonder
As of current, I am sitting in the Hobgood building waiting for Jordan to finish his physics homework (cause I already finished my assignment!) and listening to some guitar arrangements of some of my favorite songs on youtube. One of the ones I stumbled across several months ago was a beautiful rendetion of the Beach Boy's "Little Surfer Girl", and I can't help but go back to it every so often and listen to it over and over again. This particular song, along with many others, reminds me of my mother. Everytime I hear "little surfer girl" I picture my mother in her younger years when she used to go to the beach with her friends and surf. Whether or not they actually did I'll never know, but that's what she used to tell me.
I miss her a lot somedays. Actually, in reality I miss her a lot every day, but sometimes I have those days where I wonder what my life would be like if she were still with us today. I wonder if things would be different. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's like this wordless question that crosses my thought processes every now and then. Especially when I am driving across town to deliver the mail for work every day, I have a lot of time to ponder over these things.
Mostly, I think I just miss her being here for this part of my life. I miss being able to share everything with her. What was especially hard was when I took my guitar class and I learned so much about the music she enjoyed to listen to every morning on KARTS. I wanted to talk about Bach with her, discuss his composing styles and trade musical movements with each other. Sometimes, when I heard a particular piece I enjoyed I was curious to know if she had heard it before, most likely she had. I want to share everything I learn with her. In a way I can, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have just one more conversation with her.
I would talk for the rest of my life.
I wonder if I would call her everyday from school, if I would go home more often than I do now, if I could cook better meals for dinner, and etc. Sometimes I wonder if we would of even moved to Moulton...
or if I would have ever of met Jordan at all.
Sometimes I wonder how I get through it all. I see girls sitting with their mothers in doctor offices, walking around with them on campus on their first days of school, taking them shopping, and daughters calling their mom's on their phones and talking to their mothers as if they were best friends.
I wonder if I would have been the same way.
Perhaps, things happen for a reason. I believe in this firmly, and maybe this is how I get through my days. As hard as it was, and still is to deal with the loss of my mom, the things I have gained through this experience make the dark side seem a little brighter. Nothing will ever replace my mother, and nothing will ever heal the wound that her death has caused, but there are some things that have made it easier on the way and opened my eyes and heart to faith.
Sometimes, I wonder what my mother thinks of me today. If she watches my every move, if she ever tries to communicate with me and I just don't pay close enough attention to notice. I wonder if she cares about Jordan, and if she were still alive, would she treat him as her own son.
I wonder if she knows how much I miss her, and that no matter if she were here with us today or not, I will continue to love her and keep her in my heart until the day I die.
I miss her a lot somedays. Actually, in reality I miss her a lot every day, but sometimes I have those days where I wonder what my life would be like if she were still with us today. I wonder if things would be different. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's like this wordless question that crosses my thought processes every now and then. Especially when I am driving across town to deliver the mail for work every day, I have a lot of time to ponder over these things.
Mostly, I think I just miss her being here for this part of my life. I miss being able to share everything with her. What was especially hard was when I took my guitar class and I learned so much about the music she enjoyed to listen to every morning on KARTS. I wanted to talk about Bach with her, discuss his composing styles and trade musical movements with each other. Sometimes, when I heard a particular piece I enjoyed I was curious to know if she had heard it before, most likely she had. I want to share everything I learn with her. In a way I can, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have just one more conversation with her.
I would talk for the rest of my life.
I wonder if I would call her everyday from school, if I would go home more often than I do now, if I could cook better meals for dinner, and etc. Sometimes I wonder if we would of even moved to Moulton...
or if I would have ever of met Jordan at all.
Sometimes I wonder how I get through it all. I see girls sitting with their mothers in doctor offices, walking around with them on campus on their first days of school, taking them shopping, and daughters calling their mom's on their phones and talking to their mothers as if they were best friends.
I wonder if I would have been the same way.
Perhaps, things happen for a reason. I believe in this firmly, and maybe this is how I get through my days. As hard as it was, and still is to deal with the loss of my mom, the things I have gained through this experience make the dark side seem a little brighter. Nothing will ever replace my mother, and nothing will ever heal the wound that her death has caused, but there are some things that have made it easier on the way and opened my eyes and heart to faith.
Sometimes, I wonder what my mother thinks of me today. If she watches my every move, if she ever tries to communicate with me and I just don't pay close enough attention to notice. I wonder if she cares about Jordan, and if she were still alive, would she treat him as her own son.
I wonder if she knows how much I miss her, and that no matter if she were here with us today or not, I will continue to love her and keep her in my heart until the day I die.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I know
I know I haven't blogged in forever. I started a new job and summer school fired up and with working from 8-5 everyday while juggling 2 courses at the same I haven't been able to find the time to get back on the blogging bandwagon. I'll probably continue my hiatus until mid August, but I am going to try my hardest to squeeze in a few posts before then.
Key word here is try.
Sorry for the absence. I know how devastating this will be for you, but if we manage, I believe we can get through this together.
Adios,
Shirley
Key word here is try.
Sorry for the absence. I know how devastating this will be for you, but if we manage, I believe we can get through this together.
Adios,
Shirley
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
So Spoiled
I believe I can talk about my trip now. I am still sad it's over, but life moves on and I am sure many more adventures lay ahead of me. Now, if only I can figure out where to begin....
All of us had been looking forward to taking this trip since Jordan's mom first told us to start saving our money, oh about, 3 years ago. Jordan and I were only freshmen in college, and at the time the only people who had jumped on the cruise bandwagon along with Ms. Dees. As the embarkation date got closer, it was a little hard to believe we were actually going, seeing as we had been talking about it for a good 36 months. My little siblings, Randy and Barbara, joined in on the group about 6 months prior to the day we were to set sail. Finally, after passport photo shoots, many checks written, and numerous booking and sail and sign applications were filled out, we were ready to go. Excitement didn't really hit me until the night before we left, and then even more as we drove into the port and saw this:
It looks small, but when you're on it, it's huge. There were about 3400 passengers and 1100 crew members on board and it never really felt that crowded until it was time to get off the boat...but we aren't at that part yet.
Me, Jordan, and his mom stood out at the front of the boat as we embarked (and as I pee'd my pants in fright when the ship blew its really REALLY loud horn) and I never felt the ship move. Ok, I did a little on the third day but that's just because we were going really fast and it was only if I stood really still and tried to feel the ship moving. After about an hour, it was goodbye to the brown and murky waters of Galveston and hello to the deep blue ocean waters of the Gulf of Mexico!
We spent 3 "fun days at sea" since we were not going to Cozumel (due to the swine flu) before we reached our first port of call. The first few days were an experience, mainly learning that I had no idea I could be so hungry and eat so much food. Could you really blame me though, since they serve you delectable dishes and desserts such as this?
and the Carnival crew, let me tell you, these people must really love their job. The hosts (the ones who interact with the guests the most and put on all the fun games and activities throughout the day) did some crazy things. Plus, to live on a ship for a minimum of 6 months, working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day takes dedication if you ask me. Not one of the crew members was American. Well, actually I think there was one, but I am pretty sure that person was like chief engineer or something like that.
Another thing I learned while sailing amidst the waters of the Gulf is that, the next time I plan on cruising on a ship, take plenty of money, expendable money too, cause there wasn't nothing that was cheap on that boat. One, and again I said ONE, 12oz. beer was $3.75 plus a gratuity tax on top of a regular tax made that $3.75 Corona come to about $5.46 per beer, and that was the cheapest drink they offered (well water, lemonade, and tea were free but who wants to drink that stuff anyway?). Oh well, I bought my fair share of Corona con lima anyway. I was on vacation to say the least. I slept like a baby at night, every night (except that one night where Jordan, Ms. Dees and I drank his wine of choice that he brought aboard and felt a little ill early the next morning. Cheap church wine hangovers are NOT cool), and early Wednesday morning we awoke to this scene
Montego Bay, Jamaica. It was cloudy and rained some, but not before we spent a fair amount of time on the beach and drank the beer of Jamaica.
Then we did a little shopping and chased down a Jamaican lady carrying fruit on her head
just to get a picture, cause we're dorks and thought it was cool.
Of course, what trip to Jamaican isn't complete without shots!
Jamaica was fun, a great experience, and kind of scary to drive around in (scratch that, it was VERY VERY SCARY), but nothing compared to where we went next.
The Grand Cayman's.
Where we swam with sting rays (scariest thing I've ever done besides riding in a car with a native Jamaican behind the wheel), went snorkeling, and laid out and ate lunch on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.
and drank Corona of course.
However, all this beauty had to come to an end at some time. we spent 2 more days at sea as we slowly inched our way across the gulf back to Texas. Depression set in when we woke up Sunday morning to refineries and brown murky water. Nonetheless, I had the time of my life. So many more pictures were taken and so many more memories were created that I just can't share here with all of you, or else I might bore you to death. Plus, it would take forever to talk about every detail of our trip. The most important thing, and most memorable, I will remember and cherish about this vacation, was being able to spend time with those whom I care most about.
I am completely spoiled.
Happy trails,
- Shirley
All of us had been looking forward to taking this trip since Jordan's mom first told us to start saving our money, oh about, 3 years ago. Jordan and I were only freshmen in college, and at the time the only people who had jumped on the cruise bandwagon along with Ms. Dees. As the embarkation date got closer, it was a little hard to believe we were actually going, seeing as we had been talking about it for a good 36 months. My little siblings, Randy and Barbara, joined in on the group about 6 months prior to the day we were to set sail. Finally, after passport photo shoots, many checks written, and numerous booking and sail and sign applications were filled out, we were ready to go. Excitement didn't really hit me until the night before we left, and then even more as we drove into the port and saw this:
It looks small, but when you're on it, it's huge. There were about 3400 passengers and 1100 crew members on board and it never really felt that crowded until it was time to get off the boat...but we aren't at that part yet.
Me, Jordan, and his mom stood out at the front of the boat as we embarked (and as I pee'd my pants in fright when the ship blew its really REALLY loud horn) and I never felt the ship move. Ok, I did a little on the third day but that's just because we were going really fast and it was only if I stood really still and tried to feel the ship moving. After about an hour, it was goodbye to the brown and murky waters of Galveston and hello to the deep blue ocean waters of the Gulf of Mexico!
We spent 3 "fun days at sea" since we were not going to Cozumel (due to the swine flu) before we reached our first port of call. The first few days were an experience, mainly learning that I had no idea I could be so hungry and eat so much food. Could you really blame me though, since they serve you delectable dishes and desserts such as this?
and the Carnival crew, let me tell you, these people must really love their job. The hosts (the ones who interact with the guests the most and put on all the fun games and activities throughout the day) did some crazy things. Plus, to live on a ship for a minimum of 6 months, working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day takes dedication if you ask me. Not one of the crew members was American. Well, actually I think there was one, but I am pretty sure that person was like chief engineer or something like that.
Another thing I learned while sailing amidst the waters of the Gulf is that, the next time I plan on cruising on a ship, take plenty of money, expendable money too, cause there wasn't nothing that was cheap on that boat. One, and again I said ONE, 12oz. beer was $3.75 plus a gratuity tax on top of a regular tax made that $3.75 Corona come to about $5.46 per beer, and that was the cheapest drink they offered (well water, lemonade, and tea were free but who wants to drink that stuff anyway?). Oh well, I bought my fair share of Corona con lima anyway. I was on vacation to say the least. I slept like a baby at night, every night (except that one night where Jordan, Ms. Dees and I drank his wine of choice that he brought aboard and felt a little ill early the next morning. Cheap church wine hangovers are NOT cool), and early Wednesday morning we awoke to this scene
Montego Bay, Jamaica. It was cloudy and rained some, but not before we spent a fair amount of time on the beach and drank the beer of Jamaica.
Then we did a little shopping and chased down a Jamaican lady carrying fruit on her head
just to get a picture, cause we're dorks and thought it was cool.
Of course, what trip to Jamaican isn't complete without shots!
Jamaica was fun, a great experience, and kind of scary to drive around in (scratch that, it was VERY VERY SCARY), but nothing compared to where we went next.
The Grand Cayman's.
Where we swam with sting rays (scariest thing I've ever done besides riding in a car with a native Jamaican behind the wheel), went snorkeling, and laid out and ate lunch on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.
and drank Corona of course.
However, all this beauty had to come to an end at some time. we spent 2 more days at sea as we slowly inched our way across the gulf back to Texas. Depression set in when we woke up Sunday morning to refineries and brown murky water. Nonetheless, I had the time of my life. So many more pictures were taken and so many more memories were created that I just can't share here with all of you, or else I might bore you to death. Plus, it would take forever to talk about every detail of our trip. The most important thing, and most memorable, I will remember and cherish about this vacation, was being able to spend time with those whom I care most about.
I am completely spoiled.
Happy trails,
- Shirley
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Too depressed to write
Yes, I am back. However, I have no motivation to talk about my trip at this moment, it makes me too sad. Maybe tomorrow. Plus, I have about a million pictures to organize first and then I might possibly share some with you, along with a few lame stories that no one wants to hear.
On another note, I did get a job this week. HOORAY. For real this time, no sarcasm. I really, REALLY needed this job. I mean, living on the streets would have been OK after I adjusted, but I feel that I have set my standards a little too high for that and anything less than a roof over my head simply would not suffice. It's an on campus job, where I attend class in the morning and then work in the afternoon until about 5 or 6. At this point I don't believe I am working weekends, but that may change. Let's just keep our fingers crossed for the miracle dream job to be true.
All day today, while I was NOT doing my math homework, I began to think about where and when my next trip would take place. The fantasies exploded ya'll, but after a few clicks on Priceline and Expedia I realized that any future lavish vacations will have to wait until after I graduate from college in about a year...unless I hit the lotto...
come on 2011!
Of course, by then it might not be a vacation but a honeymoon...
HA!
But in all seriousness, I love traveling and can't wait until my next adventure.
Til then,
- Shirley
On another note, I did get a job this week. HOORAY. For real this time, no sarcasm. I really, REALLY needed this job. I mean, living on the streets would have been OK after I adjusted, but I feel that I have set my standards a little too high for that and anything less than a roof over my head simply would not suffice. It's an on campus job, where I attend class in the morning and then work in the afternoon until about 5 or 6. At this point I don't believe I am working weekends, but that may change. Let's just keep our fingers crossed for the miracle dream job to be true.
All day today, while I was NOT doing my math homework, I began to think about where and when my next trip would take place. The fantasies exploded ya'll, but after a few clicks on Priceline and Expedia I realized that any future lavish vacations will have to wait until after I graduate from college in about a year...unless I hit the lotto...
come on 2011!
Of course, by then it might not be a vacation but a honeymoon...
HA!
But in all seriousness, I love traveling and can't wait until my next adventure.
Til then,
- Shirley
Friday, May 29, 2009
Numbers are not my friend.
If Mary Beth drove to work going 70 mph, and on the return trip home it took her 1/7 of an hour longer traveling at 65 mph, what is the total distance to Mary Beth's work?
I don't give a rat's behind.
My question is, why doesn't Mary Beth just quit her job, stay at home, and never have to travel any distances? This way, math illiterate students like myself won't have to suffer the agony of trying to figure out how many miles Mary Beth drives to work every day.
I HATE math.
I am going to be a History teacher for goodness sake. Why on earth would I ever need to know how to simplify or solve quadratic equations. I know the stuff I am tackling right now isn't that complicated, but it's so tedious, and I simply don't have the patience to sit here all day and read and work out math problems.
I just want to set sail already.
But before I do, I have to finish 3 chapters of this stuff so I won't have to worry about doing it while out in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico.
Unless you would like to do it for me?
Didn't think so. Good thing my math for brains brother is also coming home today, bringing his trusty graphing calculator with him, so he can (do my math problems for me) teach me how to do my own work so I can get it done.
But oh, how my mind drifts off to thoughts of sandy beaches, blue oceans, and yummy yummy wine....
Stupid Mary Beth.
- Shirley
Monday, May 25, 2009
Boring and Pointless
It's Memorial day and I am sitting here, alone, with nothing to do. No meat to grill (can't afford to buy it) or friends to hang out with. It's summer time in College Station and all of the students have left for home during the break. A few of us, the strong, bold, and brave, chose to remain in this lovely city and relish in the beauty that is College Station without the crowds and traffic. I mean, I can drive on Texas from Southwest Parkway all the way down to University in about 5 minutes. ON TEXAS! Can you believe it? I love it. Even if that means my social life has lowered a notch. It is so worth it.
I am feeling better today. The soreness has decreased a considerable amount and I no longer feel a need to use my ice pack. I was able to clean my bathroom today and run a few errands without any pain! Now if only I can manage to get these blasted stitches removed on Wednesday so I can go home, to Moulton, on Thursday with Ms. Dees and head on over to Old Moulton Bank where I can hopefully grab a few beers and play a few songs. I plan on staying at home until we depart for our cruise on June 7th, and let me tell you, it can not come soon enough. Hopefully my operation site will have completely closed up by then so I won't have any open wounds when I hit the crystal clear and magnificently clean waters of Jamaica and the Grand Cayman's.
The past few days I have been hanging out with my favorite puppy Jake, whom came up to stay with me and Jordan since last Monday. (If you're a family member, or just not an overall dog lover, go ahead and skip over this part). He's about 5 and a half months old now and probably the sweetest loving dog you will ever meet. He used to get real excited when I'd lie down and crawl all over my chest and stomach area. Jordan was nervous that after my surgery, Jake would continue to act in this way and, with him being at work and me in a constant laying down position, no one would be around to keep him off of me. In the end, quite the contrary occurred. It was as if he knew what happened. I know, right? Cheesy and super stupid to believe that a dog can understand what is going on. I used to be one of those people who always thought a dog was just a dog, that's it, but my opinions might have changed a slight bit after my stint in the operating room. Once I got home, he never came close to jumping on me when I lied down. He calmly set himself right next to me and napped while I caught a few winks too. Even at night, while snoozing on Jordan's bed, he never attempted to come close to my stitches.
Good boy, Jake. Good buddy.
Of course, I am guessing he got jealous of my condition and decided to come down with one of his own. Starting around Friday he began to have partial focal seizures. If you're curious as to know what these are...I am happy to show you:
And no, that is not Jake. This is Jake:
Slight difference. Remember those pictures of those adorable, teeny tiny puppies I posted on one of my blog posts in December? He's one of them. His head was making these EXACT same movements though, and as someone who has never owned a dog before I freaked out. After talking with his owner (Jordan's mom) and a couple of phone calls to a few vets, we decided to just monitor him for a week and see how things go. I am glad to report he is doing much better! He didn't even have an episode at all today really. Hopefully it is something he will grow out of.
Anyways, I just realized this was sort of a boring and pointless post, but my days have been sort of boring and pointless, so I guess just deal with it.
Oh, I am just kidding of course.
Jordan is actually leaving tomorrow with his Aggie Puller's team to drive to Illinois and participate in some sort of contest. He'll be gone until June 3rd and I am not too entirely thrilled about him leaving, but I know he's excited about his trip and I am happy he is getting to do something he has been looking forward too since August. I'll miss him, but wish him luck in his event! He's been working really hard this past week, hopefully he will be rewarded.
Ok, I guess I am done rambling.
Ya, finished.
- Shirley
I am feeling better today. The soreness has decreased a considerable amount and I no longer feel a need to use my ice pack. I was able to clean my bathroom today and run a few errands without any pain! Now if only I can manage to get these blasted stitches removed on Wednesday so I can go home, to Moulton, on Thursday with Ms. Dees and head on over to Old Moulton Bank where I can hopefully grab a few beers and play a few songs. I plan on staying at home until we depart for our cruise on June 7th, and let me tell you, it can not come soon enough. Hopefully my operation site will have completely closed up by then so I won't have any open wounds when I hit the crystal clear and magnificently clean waters of Jamaica and the Grand Cayman's.
The past few days I have been hanging out with my favorite puppy Jake, whom came up to stay with me and Jordan since last Monday. (If you're a family member, or just not an overall dog lover, go ahead and skip over this part). He's about 5 and a half months old now and probably the sweetest loving dog you will ever meet. He used to get real excited when I'd lie down and crawl all over my chest and stomach area. Jordan was nervous that after my surgery, Jake would continue to act in this way and, with him being at work and me in a constant laying down position, no one would be around to keep him off of me. In the end, quite the contrary occurred. It was as if he knew what happened. I know, right? Cheesy and super stupid to believe that a dog can understand what is going on. I used to be one of those people who always thought a dog was just a dog, that's it, but my opinions might have changed a slight bit after my stint in the operating room. Once I got home, he never came close to jumping on me when I lied down. He calmly set himself right next to me and napped while I caught a few winks too. Even at night, while snoozing on Jordan's bed, he never attempted to come close to my stitches.
Good boy, Jake. Good buddy.
Of course, I am guessing he got jealous of my condition and decided to come down with one of his own. Starting around Friday he began to have partial focal seizures. If you're curious as to know what these are...I am happy to show you:
And no, that is not Jake. This is Jake:
Slight difference. Remember those pictures of those adorable, teeny tiny puppies I posted on one of my blog posts in December? He's one of them. His head was making these EXACT same movements though, and as someone who has never owned a dog before I freaked out. After talking with his owner (Jordan's mom) and a couple of phone calls to a few vets, we decided to just monitor him for a week and see how things go. I am glad to report he is doing much better! He didn't even have an episode at all today really. Hopefully it is something he will grow out of.
Anyways, I just realized this was sort of a boring and pointless post, but my days have been sort of boring and pointless, so I guess just deal with it.
Oh, I am just kidding of course.
Jordan is actually leaving tomorrow with his Aggie Puller's team to drive to Illinois and participate in some sort of contest. He'll be gone until June 3rd and I am not too entirely thrilled about him leaving, but I know he's excited about his trip and I am happy he is getting to do something he has been looking forward too since August. I'll miss him, but wish him luck in his event! He's been working really hard this past week, hopefully he will be rewarded.
Ok, I guess I am done rambling.
Ya, finished.
- Shirley
Friday, May 22, 2009
Anesthesia, glad to have met your acquaintance
I am back. I know there have been such big gaps between my posts lately, but I promise I have a legitimate excuse. The past few weeks, well since April 23rd to be exact, I have been on a whirlwind of emotions and doctor visits. I stated in an earlier post sometime in December on how much I hated doctors but that I had been under so much pain lately I figured it was time to face my fear and make an appointment. It took until April, but I did it.
And so it began.
What happened was surprising. I'm young, 21 to be exact, and naive. I didn't think I needed to perform self-breast exams on myself monthly because I had always heard that breast cancer in women my age is super rare, so I was never worried or concerned enough to actually check myself out. Jordan had mentioned something, I think maybe in January or even as long ago as last fall, that something did not feel right. I played it off as nothing, I mean he's a guy right? What do they know?
Apparently a lot.
My doctor found the same aforementioned questionable lump in my right breast, whom then referred me to a surgical specialist, who then performed an FNA to test some of its cells (which I blogged about in my previous post), who then proceeded to call me while I was at the pool with my cousin and brother, celebrating the beginning of summer, to tell me that the results came back abnormal and he wanted it removed. Surgically.
Begin freak out #1.
Surgery? I was going to have to have surgery? Why? Hadn't I been to enough doctors? Hadn't a majority of the people in the white lab coats told me that it was just a fibrous cyst and that I had nothing to worry about? If there was nothing to worry about, if this was all normal, then why were my FNA test results so abnormal, and why then did it have to come out?
I hate doctors. But worse, I absolutely loathe hospitals. Now, I was going to be in one. As a patient. Hooked up to an IV and monitors.
Begin freak out #2.
On Wednesday night, I prepared myself for the procedure I would undergo the following morning. I ate just dinner, and nothing after midnight. I got about 1 and a half hours of sleep (cause I was in SO MUCH PAIN and could not take any type of medicine since it was after midnight) I woke Jordan up at 4a.m. squeezing his arm to death crying in agony. I continued to cry most of the morning until my sister showed up and drove me and Jordan to the hospital.
Begin freak out #3.
I was admitted, changed into a gown, and had an IV begun (of which I still have a lovely bruise on the top of my left hand). My dad, sister, and Jordan stayed in the room with me for about 2 hours until they were ready for me in surgery. The whole time I was in the room, waiting to be wheeled back into the ice cold operating room, I thought of my mom and how much I didn't want to be there and how I wanted to go home so bad. When the nurse came in to take me back and I kissed Jordan goodbye and watched him walk out to the waiting room. I wanted to cry again.
Begin major and last freak out.
I shook from fear the whole way to the room. I had no idea what to expect. I had never been under anesthesia before. I felt like this for about a good 10 minutes, until my anesthesiologist gave me some medicine to "take the edge off", and then I felt good. I mean really good. However, I was only aware of this for maybe about 1 minute, and then the next thing I new I was being told "we're all done" and had something ripped from my throat. I remember looking at my first BP reading as I regained consciousness (I'm pretty sure there were about 6 readings while I was in recovery) and it said 102/60. Scary! Furthermore, I am pretty sure but also not entirely too confident at the same time that I asked for my husband.
Ummm....Dees? Is there something you wish to tell me? Or, matter of fact, perhaps there is something I might need to expel out to you.
None the matter. The procedure went well. The doctor was confident that what they removed was nothing more than a benign cyst, but they sent it off for further testing just in case. I get the results in a week. I handled the anesthesia well. I drank a little water and within an hour I was discharged and sent home with a lovely ice pack, an arm-full of prescription and over the counter meds, and an incision area neatly stitched up and covered in gauze.
I am so happy it is over.
More importantly, I am grateful. Incredibly grateful. So much to where I know there is no way I can repay everyone for all the nice thoughts, prayers, and favors they all performed for me during these last 2 days. I thank my Lord and God so much for protecting and watching over me, because I know how simple things can take a turn for the worse. I know my mother took especially good care of me, for which I am forever indebted to her, the Lord, and all of my family and friends. You all have no idea how much it meant to me, to know how much everyone cared. I love you all.
Now, I get to enjoy my time in recovery. No strenuous activity for a while, just lots of rest. I am going to chill out on the couch, with my ice pack and bottle of pills, and continue to pray and thank God for making everything turn out for the better.
Lesson learned.
Until then,
- Shirley
And so it began.
What happened was surprising. I'm young, 21 to be exact, and naive. I didn't think I needed to perform self-breast exams on myself monthly because I had always heard that breast cancer in women my age is super rare, so I was never worried or concerned enough to actually check myself out. Jordan had mentioned something, I think maybe in January or even as long ago as last fall, that something did not feel right. I played it off as nothing, I mean he's a guy right? What do they know?
Apparently a lot.
My doctor found the same aforementioned questionable lump in my right breast, whom then referred me to a surgical specialist, who then performed an FNA to test some of its cells (which I blogged about in my previous post), who then proceeded to call me while I was at the pool with my cousin and brother, celebrating the beginning of summer, to tell me that the results came back abnormal and he wanted it removed. Surgically.
Begin freak out #1.
Surgery? I was going to have to have surgery? Why? Hadn't I been to enough doctors? Hadn't a majority of the people in the white lab coats told me that it was just a fibrous cyst and that I had nothing to worry about? If there was nothing to worry about, if this was all normal, then why were my FNA test results so abnormal, and why then did it have to come out?
I hate doctors. But worse, I absolutely loathe hospitals. Now, I was going to be in one. As a patient. Hooked up to an IV and monitors.
Begin freak out #2.
On Wednesday night, I prepared myself for the procedure I would undergo the following morning. I ate just dinner, and nothing after midnight. I got about 1 and a half hours of sleep (cause I was in SO MUCH PAIN and could not take any type of medicine since it was after midnight) I woke Jordan up at 4a.m. squeezing his arm to death crying in agony. I continued to cry most of the morning until my sister showed up and drove me and Jordan to the hospital.
Begin freak out #3.
I was admitted, changed into a gown, and had an IV begun (of which I still have a lovely bruise on the top of my left hand). My dad, sister, and Jordan stayed in the room with me for about 2 hours until they were ready for me in surgery. The whole time I was in the room, waiting to be wheeled back into the ice cold operating room, I thought of my mom and how much I didn't want to be there and how I wanted to go home so bad. When the nurse came in to take me back and I kissed Jordan goodbye and watched him walk out to the waiting room. I wanted to cry again.
Begin major and last freak out.
I shook from fear the whole way to the room. I had no idea what to expect. I had never been under anesthesia before. I felt like this for about a good 10 minutes, until my anesthesiologist gave me some medicine to "take the edge off", and then I felt good. I mean really good. However, I was only aware of this for maybe about 1 minute, and then the next thing I new I was being told "we're all done" and had something ripped from my throat. I remember looking at my first BP reading as I regained consciousness (I'm pretty sure there were about 6 readings while I was in recovery) and it said 102/60. Scary! Furthermore, I am pretty sure but also not entirely too confident at the same time that I asked for my husband.
Ummm....Dees? Is there something you wish to tell me? Or, matter of fact, perhaps there is something I might need to expel out to you.
None the matter. The procedure went well. The doctor was confident that what they removed was nothing more than a benign cyst, but they sent it off for further testing just in case. I get the results in a week. I handled the anesthesia well. I drank a little water and within an hour I was discharged and sent home with a lovely ice pack, an arm-full of prescription and over the counter meds, and an incision area neatly stitched up and covered in gauze.
I am so happy it is over.
More importantly, I am grateful. Incredibly grateful. So much to where I know there is no way I can repay everyone for all the nice thoughts, prayers, and favors they all performed for me during these last 2 days. I thank my Lord and God so much for protecting and watching over me, because I know how simple things can take a turn for the worse. I know my mother took especially good care of me, for which I am forever indebted to her, the Lord, and all of my family and friends. You all have no idea how much it meant to me, to know how much everyone cared. I love you all.
Now, I get to enjoy my time in recovery. No strenuous activity for a while, just lots of rest. I am going to chill out on the couch, with my ice pack and bottle of pills, and continue to pray and thank God for making everything turn out for the better.
Lesson learned.
Until then,
- Shirley
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Excuse me? You're going to stick that needle where?
Tomorrow, I am going to have a FNA Biopsy. The actual procedure doesn't make me nervous, it's the fact that there is a REASON to get it done. I know I shouldn't have anything to worry about, because the past three doctors I have visited have all told me the same thing. "You're young", "It's rare", "I wouldn't worry it is most likely benign". I trust them, but a part of me doesn't. I have heard these things before. I have seen the impossible become possible, the rare develop into the not so rare, and the thought of "this can never happen to me" ripped out of make-believe into reality.
So yes, I am a little nervous. But I know everything is OK. But I am still scared. My mind has been going back and forth since my initial visit to the doctor. After tomorrow, I can't even imagine the roller coaster my emotions are going to be on until I get the results back.
Part of me wants to cry and a part of me wants to tell the part that wants to cry to stop overreacting and shut up. Finals are coming up and I should be way more worried about History and English at this point then some body abnormality. I know I will be OK, it's just the thought of the impossible that I am not comfortable with. Nothing is impossible.
Lately, things have settled down a whole bunch. School has ended and I only have one day of finals to prepare for and it is next week. I have seven days to study for two finals. Doesn't sound real stressful, and it isn't, but it's a lot of tedious work that I'd rather not do. A pool, Corona with Lime, or even a Shiner Bock, sounds so much more enticing than a library with British History text books and English journals.
I had a nice weekend with family and friends and my all-time favorite puppy Jake. I realize how my family feels about animals (with me being the exception) so I will not divulge into all sorts of details about how cute the 5 month old yellow lab was these past 4 days. I will, however, brag about how I successfully managed to teach him to lay down and fetch within a short span of time. Who doesn't love a feeling of accomplishment these days?
- Shirley
So yes, I am a little nervous. But I know everything is OK. But I am still scared. My mind has been going back and forth since my initial visit to the doctor. After tomorrow, I can't even imagine the roller coaster my emotions are going to be on until I get the results back.
Part of me wants to cry and a part of me wants to tell the part that wants to cry to stop overreacting and shut up. Finals are coming up and I should be way more worried about History and English at this point then some body abnormality. I know I will be OK, it's just the thought of the impossible that I am not comfortable with. Nothing is impossible.
Lately, things have settled down a whole bunch. School has ended and I only have one day of finals to prepare for and it is next week. I have seven days to study for two finals. Doesn't sound real stressful, and it isn't, but it's a lot of tedious work that I'd rather not do. A pool, Corona with Lime, or even a Shiner Bock, sounds so much more enticing than a library with British History text books and English journals.
I had a nice weekend with family and friends and my all-time favorite puppy Jake. I realize how my family feels about animals (with me being the exception) so I will not divulge into all sorts of details about how cute the 5 month old yellow lab was these past 4 days. I will, however, brag about how I successfully managed to teach him to lay down and fetch within a short span of time. Who doesn't love a feeling of accomplishment these days?
- Shirley
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Getting oh so close
The semester is once again coming to a close. Classes are winding down, professors are closing out there 16-week long lecture series, and final papers are being written. As of May 12th, I will be one semester away from ordering my Aggie Ring. The fact that I'll have accumulated over 100 hours of completed course-work come this December is a little overwhelming, for it seems as if it were only yesterday I was walking into my very first college course at a little community college. A year from now, I'll be getting ready, along with thousands of other eager Aggies, to receive the coveted artifact, an item I have dreamed about receiving since the tender age of 8. So long I have waited for this moment, and at times it seemed as if I would never reach it. Now, I am only one semester away. 17 course-hours short to be exact. I have watched numerous older siblings and cousins have their turn in the light, dropping their rings in a pitcher of beer and wear it proudly on their finger each and every day.
I can't wait to do the same.
As anxious as I am, I know there are many things I must complete first. 9 hours of summer school are waiting to greet me at the start of June, and 13 more hours have been registered for the fall. Time flies by faster every day and it's becoming easier to lose track of the important things. However, to me it seems impossible to ever lose sight of that beautiful and very meaningful ring after you've been eying it for more than a decade.
I am soooo ready.
In other news, life will begin to slow down in the next coming weeks. As soon as finals commence, I will be a free woman for about a month. There are so many summer activities I am greatly anticipating, such as my trip to Jamaica, Cozumel, and the Grand Caymans with Jordan on June 7-14!
Of course, to fully appreciate my list of summer events, a job is definitely in the order. So...I guess I could fill out applications...and maybe go on a couple of interviews...or I could live on bread and beer all summer....
Maybe Layne's is hiring.
- Shirley
I can't wait to do the same.
As anxious as I am, I know there are many things I must complete first. 9 hours of summer school are waiting to greet me at the start of June, and 13 more hours have been registered for the fall. Time flies by faster every day and it's becoming easier to lose track of the important things. However, to me it seems impossible to ever lose sight of that beautiful and very meaningful ring after you've been eying it for more than a decade.
I am soooo ready.
In other news, life will begin to slow down in the next coming weeks. As soon as finals commence, I will be a free woman for about a month. There are so many summer activities I am greatly anticipating, such as my trip to Jamaica, Cozumel, and the Grand Caymans with Jordan on June 7-14!
Of course, to fully appreciate my list of summer events, a job is definitely in the order. So...I guess I could fill out applications...and maybe go on a couple of interviews...or I could live on bread and beer all summer....
Maybe Layne's is hiring.
- Shirley
Thursday, April 16, 2009
No Motivation = Olympic daydreams
So I successfully made it through an hour of studying before I got the extreme urge to QUIT. I have absolutely no motivation to study. None. Maybe it's because I know achieving an A in the two classes for which I have tests in tomorrow is a far reach now. Nothing wrong with a solid B right? I wish all of this information would just leap into my brain and stay there without the tiniest bit of effort made by myself.
God, I am SO LAZY today.
Truth is, I can't concentrate. My eyes are dancing across the pages in my British Politics and Foreign Policy in the Age of Appeasement 1935-1939 book without my mind registering a single word. How this is occurring I have no idea because I mean, come on, who doesn't enjoy reading about a bunch of British Parliamentary actions in the mid 1930s? Everyone who wishes to appease Hitler say "I"! Doesn't make a difference. He isn't going to listen anyway. The Anschluss is coming. Hate to break it to you ole' chaps.
No desire lies in reading my Sociology notes either. My trilingual professor is a little difficult to understand, thus making taking notes a whole new challenge. They should make that an Olympic event. I could win the Gold Medal in that one. Forget curling, track and field, high diving, or swimming the 800. Note taking could dominate the ratings. I can hear my victory speech now:
"I just want to thank all of my multi-lingual professors who could barely speak a word of English for enabling me to be turn all of their constant jibber jabber into legible notes so that I could pass a test over American social problems".
It could be phenomenal.
Or disatrous. Depending on whether or not I actually get to studying anything today or not.
God, I am SO LAZY today.
Truth is, I can't concentrate. My eyes are dancing across the pages in my British Politics and Foreign Policy in the Age of Appeasement 1935-1939 book without my mind registering a single word. How this is occurring I have no idea because I mean, come on, who doesn't enjoy reading about a bunch of British Parliamentary actions in the mid 1930s? Everyone who wishes to appease Hitler say "I"! Doesn't make a difference. He isn't going to listen anyway. The Anschluss is coming. Hate to break it to you ole' chaps.
No desire lies in reading my Sociology notes either. My trilingual professor is a little difficult to understand, thus making taking notes a whole new challenge. They should make that an Olympic event. I could win the Gold Medal in that one. Forget curling, track and field, high diving, or swimming the 800. Note taking could dominate the ratings. I can hear my victory speech now:
"I just want to thank all of my multi-lingual professors who could barely speak a word of English for enabling me to be turn all of their constant jibber jabber into legible notes so that I could pass a test over American social problems".
It could be phenomenal.
Or disatrous. Depending on whether or not I actually get to studying anything today or not.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Amidst the chaos
Wow. It has most definitely been a while. So long, in fact, that I have absolutely no idea what to write about. I know there is no possible way to catch you all up (cause I know there are so many of you) in one post...or maybe there is because, well, my life really isn't that exciting.
Just busy.
Really busy actually. Having almost only a year left until I complete my undergraduate studies has thrown me into a routine that is constantly bombarded with books..the boring ones too. The closer I get to my coveted Aggie Ring, the more hours I am forced to spend in a studious state. Lately, I have been coming home from class and locking myself up into my room until way after it gets dark. If I have a test at the end of the week then you are likely not going to see me reappear anytime soon until the following Monday. Luckily, I have two tests to prepare for on Friday and a MAJOR paper due in just a week and a half's time.
But I won't get into excuses. Not now. I have been neglecting my love for this hobby for far too long. In fact, it's been so long that I have even contemplated the idea of not getting my M.A. degree and diving head first into my life goal straight out of college. Of course, this would require some EXTREME persuasion on my part. How willing will my future husband be to let me stay at home everyday and write my heart's content while he works every day to bring in the bacon? Eh, maybe not so much. I actually got a yes out of him last night and to my non-surprise, I laughed. He didn't even object, not once. I couldn't help but laugh at how unbelievably willing he is, to go to these extents just to make me happy. Automatically I withdrew my offer and assured him that I would work, to make life easier on both of us.
But still, it was sort of a serious thought.
Cause if I could have it my way, I would never sit at a desk from 9-5, doing a job that I loathe, or even, partly tolerate. I know I would enjoy lecturing American History to a bunch of 18-20 year olds, but only partially. If it were really up to me, I'd sit in a room all day with a pen and a piece of paper (or computer, or typewriter, preferably the latter) and write, write, write. Write until my hand was just moving across the paper out of shear habit, the words not making any sense at all. Ideas for short stories and novels jump into my mind every day and the urge to do nothing but purge all of the artistic nonsense out of my head and into words can become so overwhelming that sometimes I feel I might go crazy if I never get the chance. However, I never have the time. My mind grasps onto this bit of realistic truth and I settle back into my every day priorities.
-School.
-Trying to muster up 10 hours of sleep every night.
-Finding time to squeeze in my social life amidst the scholastic assignments.
-Relay for Life fundraisers and events.
-Supporting Jordan in all of his recent achievements (new job with John Deere, election of President of the Agricultural Systems Management club, Aggie Pullers contest, and outstanding grades).
-Reading something that isn't about the British Imperial century or the Industrial Revolution.
-Deciding on if I'd rather have ravioli or a Hot Pocket for dinner, because both sound SO appetizing.
-Waiting for my banana's to ripen, cause now I am addicted to them as if they were a drug.
-Finding a new place to live for this fall
-Making sure I have enough money so I can actually have a place to live in this fall
-Helping my sister heal her aching heart
-Contemplating on how to purchase groceries in the near future...my cabinet is looking a little empty.
-Fitting in time to see family
-Fitting in time to see my favorite puppy (quickly unbecoming a puppy)
-Looking for a job
-Sorting out all my tax crap so I can get loans to pay for tuition this summer and fall
-Signing up for summer school
...and the list goes on and on.
But no really, sometimes being busy doesn't always bring on stress. It just means you're having fun.
Amidst the chaos, life is great.
- Shirley
Just busy.
Really busy actually. Having almost only a year left until I complete my undergraduate studies has thrown me into a routine that is constantly bombarded with books..the boring ones too. The closer I get to my coveted Aggie Ring, the more hours I am forced to spend in a studious state. Lately, I have been coming home from class and locking myself up into my room until way after it gets dark. If I have a test at the end of the week then you are likely not going to see me reappear anytime soon until the following Monday. Luckily, I have two tests to prepare for on Friday and a MAJOR paper due in just a week and a half's time.
But I won't get into excuses. Not now. I have been neglecting my love for this hobby for far too long. In fact, it's been so long that I have even contemplated the idea of not getting my M.A. degree and diving head first into my life goal straight out of college. Of course, this would require some EXTREME persuasion on my part. How willing will my future husband be to let me stay at home everyday and write my heart's content while he works every day to bring in the bacon? Eh, maybe not so much. I actually got a yes out of him last night and to my non-surprise, I laughed. He didn't even object, not once. I couldn't help but laugh at how unbelievably willing he is, to go to these extents just to make me happy. Automatically I withdrew my offer and assured him that I would work, to make life easier on both of us.
But still, it was sort of a serious thought.
Cause if I could have it my way, I would never sit at a desk from 9-5, doing a job that I loathe, or even, partly tolerate. I know I would enjoy lecturing American History to a bunch of 18-20 year olds, but only partially. If it were really up to me, I'd sit in a room all day with a pen and a piece of paper (or computer, or typewriter, preferably the latter) and write, write, write. Write until my hand was just moving across the paper out of shear habit, the words not making any sense at all. Ideas for short stories and novels jump into my mind every day and the urge to do nothing but purge all of the artistic nonsense out of my head and into words can become so overwhelming that sometimes I feel I might go crazy if I never get the chance. However, I never have the time. My mind grasps onto this bit of realistic truth and I settle back into my every day priorities.
-School.
-Trying to muster up 10 hours of sleep every night.
-Finding time to squeeze in my social life amidst the scholastic assignments.
-Relay for Life fundraisers and events.
-Supporting Jordan in all of his recent achievements (new job with John Deere, election of President of the Agricultural Systems Management club, Aggie Pullers contest, and outstanding grades).
-Reading something that isn't about the British Imperial century or the Industrial Revolution.
-Deciding on if I'd rather have ravioli or a Hot Pocket for dinner, because both sound SO appetizing.
-Waiting for my banana's to ripen, cause now I am addicted to them as if they were a drug.
-Finding a new place to live for this fall
-Making sure I have enough money so I can actually have a place to live in this fall
-Helping my sister heal her aching heart
-Contemplating on how to purchase groceries in the near future...my cabinet is looking a little empty.
-Fitting in time to see family
-Fitting in time to see my favorite puppy (quickly unbecoming a puppy)
-Looking for a job
-Sorting out all my tax crap so I can get loans to pay for tuition this summer and fall
-Signing up for summer school
...and the list goes on and on.
But no really, sometimes being busy doesn't always bring on stress. It just means you're having fun.
Amidst the chaos, life is great.
- Shirley
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
God doesn't want me to be white trash
Spring Break 2009 began at approximately 2:39 p.m. on Friday, March 13th. The weather was awful. Rain had been falling nonstop and the temperatures had failed to rise above 45 degrees for the past 2 days. When we arrived in Moulton for the first half of our vacation, the weather hadn't changed. In fact, the soggy freezing weather stayed around for an additional two days throughout the weekend. It was beginning to bum me out.
Finally, on Sunday afternoon, God sent down rays of light and warmth. The rain stopped. Monday morning brought endless sun. The mercury rose to a balmy 78 degrees and not a cloud was to be spotted in the sky. Flowers were blooming and birds were singing. It was perfect...
a perfect time to load up the 12 gauge and take down some snakes.
Amidst the beautiful weather, my boyfriend and I decided to unpack the heavy artillery and unleash a fiesta of buckshot onto the devil looking creatures. He, armed with the shotgun, and I, with the .22 rifle with a scope, had been waiting to do this since the threaten of Spring's beginning. How I thought a .22 was going to dismantle a snake I have no idea, but I was ready to piss it off a whole bunch. Darned in mud boots and the ugliest shirt I could find, we set out to my grandfather's farm to free the tank of the poisonous reptiles (or amphibians, or whatever) and hang one up on the barbed wire fence to end this disastrous South Central Texas drought. Upon arrival, we hopped out of the truck, loaded our weapons and began to scour the bank and tree branches that hung out over the water...
only there was no water...or snakes.
I guess the South Central Texas drought was more severe than we thought. Snakes probably prefer to live in tanks that actually hold water, and my grandfather's had none.
We failed to shred evil from the earth once again. Jordan took some shots at an old tire that had been immersed in water for probably 20+ years but was now exposed in the dry cracked mud to let out some frustration. I aimed and fired at a small turtle (only cause I knew I'd miss) for target practice, and then we went home.
Later that evening, we took out our rod and reels, loaded a cooler with a 6-pack of Shiner Blonde,
and went down to Jordan's tank to fish for some Bass.
I caught one, and Jordan and a few friends caught about 3-8 each. One friend of ours brought in a good 2 pounder!
It was nice and relaxing and just what I needed.
We'll get the snakes next time...maybe.
Finally, on Sunday afternoon, God sent down rays of light and warmth. The rain stopped. Monday morning brought endless sun. The mercury rose to a balmy 78 degrees and not a cloud was to be spotted in the sky. Flowers were blooming and birds were singing. It was perfect...
a perfect time to load up the 12 gauge and take down some snakes.
Amidst the beautiful weather, my boyfriend and I decided to unpack the heavy artillery and unleash a fiesta of buckshot onto the devil looking creatures. He, armed with the shotgun, and I, with the .22 rifle with a scope, had been waiting to do this since the threaten of Spring's beginning. How I thought a .22 was going to dismantle a snake I have no idea, but I was ready to piss it off a whole bunch. Darned in mud boots and the ugliest shirt I could find, we set out to my grandfather's farm to free the tank of the poisonous reptiles (or amphibians, or whatever) and hang one up on the barbed wire fence to end this disastrous South Central Texas drought. Upon arrival, we hopped out of the truck, loaded our weapons and began to scour the bank and tree branches that hung out over the water...
only there was no water...or snakes.
I guess the South Central Texas drought was more severe than we thought. Snakes probably prefer to live in tanks that actually hold water, and my grandfather's had none.
We failed to shred evil from the earth once again. Jordan took some shots at an old tire that had been immersed in water for probably 20+ years but was now exposed in the dry cracked mud to let out some frustration. I aimed and fired at a small turtle (only cause I knew I'd miss) for target practice, and then we went home.
Later that evening, we took out our rod and reels, loaded a cooler with a 6-pack of Shiner Blonde,
and went down to Jordan's tank to fish for some Bass.
I caught one, and Jordan and a few friends caught about 3-8 each. One friend of ours brought in a good 2 pounder!
It was nice and relaxing and just what I needed.
We'll get the snakes next time...maybe.
Make Me Happy Monday
First, I'll start with an apology. No blogs = unhappiness. When I don't update, it's usually because I am super busy and stressed. These past few weeks have been no exception. I had midterms throughout the two weeks before Spring Break and I am soooo happy they are over with. Now I have time to do as I please, to do things that make me happy. Even if they're small....
Which reminds me of a meme my sister-in-law, Beth, completed at her blog
called "Not a Bow in Sight". It's 7 Little things that make me disproportionately happy. Go check out Beth's blog for her answers, it's unbelievably cute!
Here are my 7 little things I love or love to do that make me happy.
1.) Sit on the porch at my Dad's place in Flatonia, TX. It's so peaceful and a great place to read, play the guitar, or drink a cold one and listen to some good satellite radio and talk about the good times. This is probably my most favorite thing to do in the world.
2.) Cooking a delicious meal. I'm learning to cook so every time I have a successful go-around with the stove and oven I get a feeling of immense satisfaction! Plus, the look on Jordan's face when he tries the meal and thoroughly enjoys it makes me believe I can be as good a cook as my mother was...some day.
3.) Fishing. When the sun is out and its 75-80 degrees outside, I love sitting on the bank or in the boat trying to reel in that 5lb. bass or in reality a 1/2lb. perch.
4.) Mowing the yard. I used to do this all the time when we lived in Houston, especially after my mother passed away. I figured I could do it to give Dad one less thing to worry about/do. However, I really enjoyed cutting the grass for some reason. Maybe it's the whole taking something ugly and in need of care and making it look beautiful and neat that I enjoyed so much.
5.) Bluebonnets. I LOVE spring time, mainly because there are about a million wildflowers everywhere. Just the sight of a field or pasture covered in colors of blue, red, and pink make my heart flutter. I could stare at it for hours.
6.) Getting my hair cut. I like a new look every once in a while.
7.) Spending time with Jordan. It doesn't matter what we're doing, as long as we're together I love it.
Which reminds me of a meme my sister-in-law, Beth, completed at her blog
called "Not a Bow in Sight". It's 7 Little things that make me disproportionately happy. Go check out Beth's blog for her answers, it's unbelievably cute!
Here are my 7 little things I love or love to do that make me happy.
1.) Sit on the porch at my Dad's place in Flatonia, TX. It's so peaceful and a great place to read, play the guitar, or drink a cold one and listen to some good satellite radio and talk about the good times. This is probably my most favorite thing to do in the world.
2.) Cooking a delicious meal. I'm learning to cook so every time I have a successful go-around with the stove and oven I get a feeling of immense satisfaction! Plus, the look on Jordan's face when he tries the meal and thoroughly enjoys it makes me believe I can be as good a cook as my mother was...some day.
3.) Fishing. When the sun is out and its 75-80 degrees outside, I love sitting on the bank or in the boat trying to reel in that 5lb. bass or in reality a 1/2lb. perch.
4.) Mowing the yard. I used to do this all the time when we lived in Houston, especially after my mother passed away. I figured I could do it to give Dad one less thing to worry about/do. However, I really enjoyed cutting the grass for some reason. Maybe it's the whole taking something ugly and in need of care and making it look beautiful and neat that I enjoyed so much.
5.) Bluebonnets. I LOVE spring time, mainly because there are about a million wildflowers everywhere. Just the sight of a field or pasture covered in colors of blue, red, and pink make my heart flutter. I could stare at it for hours.
6.) Getting my hair cut. I like a new look every once in a while.
7.) Spending time with Jordan. It doesn't matter what we're doing, as long as we're together I love it.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Spring can bring out your inner redneck.
This weekend was the most unproductive weekend ever and I know I am going to pay for it tomorrow. I just can't seem to garner any focus at the moment.
Spring is coming, and oh how I love Spring! The wildflowers come in bloom, the weather is warmer, everything turns back to green and I just LOVE IT! The best part is the weather, in my opinion, hands down. Finally it becomes warm enough to sit on the porch at night and look at the stars...so beautiful. The sun brings such comfort during the day that even the snakes love to bask their cold blooded bodies in the heat. Perfect for a boy who has a 12 and 10 gauge shotgun and a testosterone drive to kill. Every spring, when the weather first turns warm, Jordan and I have made a ritual of going to my grandfather's farm tank and shooting the numerous water moccasins who creep out of the murky waters to lay in the sun up in the branches of the oak and willow trees. I know, it sounds really redneck and white trash to go and shoot snakes out of trees, but let me tell you...it's a great stress reliever. So don't knock it til you try it. Actually, I don't even shoot the guns. I am little afraid of the power of the shotgun. I am way more comfortable standing beside Jordan watching with my ears covered (I HATE loud noises) as he pulls the trigger. I have better eyes than him so I'm the looker and he's the shooter.
It kind of goes something like this:
Jordan: Alright, shhhh watch your step and tell me if you see any.
Me: You're going to tell me before you shoot your gun right? You're not just going to see one and pop it off without giving me warning are you?
Jordan: No, I'll tell you, don't worry.
Me: You promise? You know how much I hate that sound right?
Jordan: Yes, I know, I promise.
Me: Okay, I just don't want to get scared.
Jordan: Will you just look?
Me: Oh ya.
(about 5 Minutes of silence)
Jordan: I think I see one.
Me: Where?
Jordan: Over there on that big branch to the left. Isn't that one?
Me: That rubber looking thing?
Jordan: Ya, that. Isn't that one?
Me: No, that's a tire.
Jordan: Oh, I thought it was one.
(5 more minutes of silence)
Me: I see one.
Jordan: (suddenly very excited) Where!?
Me: SHH! Over there, kind of underneath the oak, right above the water on that mossy looking branch.
Jordan: I don't see it.
Me: It's right there! It's kind of curved in a weird looking position.
Jordan: I still don't see it.
(I become frustrated and go off into a 3 minute description of where the snake is located in the tree. Finally he'll see it).
Me: You see it? Can you get it?
Jordan: ya, hold on.
Me: Gasp! Omg you're going to shoot it. Hold on, let me get my ears covered. Are you going to warn me right before you shoot it?
Jordan: No just shhh.
(one more minute of Jordan aiming and then BAM! The snake goes flying off the tree. I proceed to tell him what a good shot it was and then complain about the smell. In case you've never smelt a dead snake...rotten fish...that's all I have to say.)
Ok, this is VERY white trash. But its simple and fun. I usually don't condone shooting helpless animals, but these are snakes, poisonous snakes at that, so its more than okay. After this event commences we usually head to his much larger/nicer tank and fish for large mouth bass until the sun goes down. Some may not think this to be a relaxing Saturday, but I'd very much rather be shooting vermin out of a tree than sitting through lectures all day.
This past weekend, Jordan and I went to Moulton since his birthday is TOMORROW and he wanted to see his Mom. The weather had been nice so we planned on heading over to the ole farmhouse on CR. 264 on Saturday, but a chilly norther blew through Friday night and the temperatures only reached in the upper 50s with the wind blowing from the north at about 25mph, so needless to say we did NOT get to partake in our annual redneck activity. We didn't even to get to fish. No worry, we'll be back in two weeks and hopefully then we can bust a cap in some cottonmouth's butt.
Guess, I'll just have to be normal and enjoy the bluebonnets until that time comes.
- Shirley
Spring is coming, and oh how I love Spring! The wildflowers come in bloom, the weather is warmer, everything turns back to green and I just LOVE IT! The best part is the weather, in my opinion, hands down. Finally it becomes warm enough to sit on the porch at night and look at the stars...so beautiful. The sun brings such comfort during the day that even the snakes love to bask their cold blooded bodies in the heat. Perfect for a boy who has a 12 and 10 gauge shotgun and a testosterone drive to kill. Every spring, when the weather first turns warm, Jordan and I have made a ritual of going to my grandfather's farm tank and shooting the numerous water moccasins who creep out of the murky waters to lay in the sun up in the branches of the oak and willow trees. I know, it sounds really redneck and white trash to go and shoot snakes out of trees, but let me tell you...it's a great stress reliever. So don't knock it til you try it. Actually, I don't even shoot the guns. I am little afraid of the power of the shotgun. I am way more comfortable standing beside Jordan watching with my ears covered (I HATE loud noises) as he pulls the trigger. I have better eyes than him so I'm the looker and he's the shooter.
It kind of goes something like this:
Jordan: Alright, shhhh watch your step and tell me if you see any.
Me: You're going to tell me before you shoot your gun right? You're not just going to see one and pop it off without giving me warning are you?
Jordan: No, I'll tell you, don't worry.
Me: You promise? You know how much I hate that sound right?
Jordan: Yes, I know, I promise.
Me: Okay, I just don't want to get scared.
Jordan: Will you just look?
Me: Oh ya.
(about 5 Minutes of silence)
Jordan: I think I see one.
Me: Where?
Jordan: Over there on that big branch to the left. Isn't that one?
Me: That rubber looking thing?
Jordan: Ya, that. Isn't that one?
Me: No, that's a tire.
Jordan: Oh, I thought it was one.
(5 more minutes of silence)
Me: I see one.
Jordan: (suddenly very excited) Where!?
Me: SHH! Over there, kind of underneath the oak, right above the water on that mossy looking branch.
Jordan: I don't see it.
Me: It's right there! It's kind of curved in a weird looking position.
Jordan: I still don't see it.
(I become frustrated and go off into a 3 minute description of where the snake is located in the tree. Finally he'll see it).
Me: You see it? Can you get it?
Jordan: ya, hold on.
Me: Gasp! Omg you're going to shoot it. Hold on, let me get my ears covered. Are you going to warn me right before you shoot it?
Jordan: No just shhh.
(one more minute of Jordan aiming and then BAM! The snake goes flying off the tree. I proceed to tell him what a good shot it was and then complain about the smell. In case you've never smelt a dead snake...rotten fish...that's all I have to say.)
Ok, this is VERY white trash. But its simple and fun. I usually don't condone shooting helpless animals, but these are snakes, poisonous snakes at that, so its more than okay. After this event commences we usually head to his much larger/nicer tank and fish for large mouth bass until the sun goes down. Some may not think this to be a relaxing Saturday, but I'd very much rather be shooting vermin out of a tree than sitting through lectures all day.
This past weekend, Jordan and I went to Moulton since his birthday is TOMORROW and he wanted to see his Mom. The weather had been nice so we planned on heading over to the ole farmhouse on CR. 264 on Saturday, but a chilly norther blew through Friday night and the temperatures only reached in the upper 50s with the wind blowing from the north at about 25mph, so needless to say we did NOT get to partake in our annual redneck activity. We didn't even to get to fish. No worry, we'll be back in two weeks and hopefully then we can bust a cap in some cottonmouth's butt.
Guess, I'll just have to be normal and enjoy the bluebonnets until that time comes.
- Shirley
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My happy, lovable, healthy boyfriend is M.I.A. for the next few days
As you may recall, I detest illnesses. When someone is sick I stay as far away from them as possible, and when I fall ill I drug up as much as I can so as not to feel the awfulness that is a viral infection. So come flu season, I am one Walgreens trip away from darning rubber gloves 24 hours a day. Typically in College Station, flu season hits its peak in January when everyone returns from the break and dies off at the end of February.
We almost made it.
Starting sometime around Thursday night, Jordan began to complain of a raw, scratchy throat. His roommate had come down with a nasty case of the Flue the day before and after a trip to the ER learned that it wasn't just the flu but an ear and sinus infection as well. So when Jordan brought up that he wasn't feeling so well, my guard went up. I didn't suspect influenza right away because I knew the incubation period is longer than one day, so I didn't heed to Jordan's moans and groans...until this morning. I took one look into his eyes and knew he was not feeling the greatest. I felt his forehead, neck and chest and suspected he was running a low fever and after a quick thermometer read I realized my suspicions were right. 101.3 degrees. He asked me what that meant and I told him truthfully that we were no longer battling a simple cold, but the flu itself.
If it were any other person, I would have ran. I would have grabbed my things and ran out of my own bedroom to safety. But I didn't. The look of helplessness in his eyes was too much to bare.
All day today I sat by his side, woke him up to take his medicine dosages when he needed too, sat with him in a doctor's office for two hours just to leave empty handed, fed him juice, soup, and took his temperature. All by his bedside. I...yes I took care of an ill loved one. I, a person who is deathly afraid of doctors' offices and just the prospect of getting sick, sacrificed the strength of my immunity and cared for my feverish boyfriend.
Because he would of done the same thing for me.
I learned that when it comes to illness, I don't mind it at all when it is someone I care deeply about. Especially when they are the source of my strength. After three and a half years, this is the first time Jordan has fallen severely ill. Sure we've both had our boughts with nasty colds, but I am talking about up-all-night-with-fever-and-chills-can't-get-out-of-bed sick, and it breaks my heart. Seeing him in so much pain makes me feel so bad for him. He's not the same goofy happy person and I miss it. I wish I could make him feel better in an instant...but I can't. I feel that being with him as much as I can helps ease his pain a little (Theraflu seems to getting a majority of the job done) and if that means exposing myself to the wintertime disease, then so be it. Sure, I will most likely come down with it in a couple of days, but a part of me just doesn't care because I know I will have the best bedside partner to take care of me. As for now, I am way more content with making sure Jordan is as comfortable as can be.
We took his temperature before he laid down tonight to go to sleep before he has to wake up to medicate himself some more and my efforts have paid off. His 101.3 fever diminished into 98.6 degree reading. I know this temporary relief is most likely short lived, but I was happy that he was feeling a little better. He even managed to muster out a laugh before I turned off his bedroom light.
So, the days will go on and he will get better in time. I just hope that these next few days go quickly because I hate seeing him feeling so miserable.
I miss my goofy, lovable, healthy Jordan.
Get well soon,
Shirley.
We almost made it.
Starting sometime around Thursday night, Jordan began to complain of a raw, scratchy throat. His roommate had come down with a nasty case of the Flue the day before and after a trip to the ER learned that it wasn't just the flu but an ear and sinus infection as well. So when Jordan brought up that he wasn't feeling so well, my guard went up. I didn't suspect influenza right away because I knew the incubation period is longer than one day, so I didn't heed to Jordan's moans and groans...until this morning. I took one look into his eyes and knew he was not feeling the greatest. I felt his forehead, neck and chest and suspected he was running a low fever and after a quick thermometer read I realized my suspicions were right. 101.3 degrees. He asked me what that meant and I told him truthfully that we were no longer battling a simple cold, but the flu itself.
If it were any other person, I would have ran. I would have grabbed my things and ran out of my own bedroom to safety. But I didn't. The look of helplessness in his eyes was too much to bare.
All day today I sat by his side, woke him up to take his medicine dosages when he needed too, sat with him in a doctor's office for two hours just to leave empty handed, fed him juice, soup, and took his temperature. All by his bedside. I...yes I took care of an ill loved one. I, a person who is deathly afraid of doctors' offices and just the prospect of getting sick, sacrificed the strength of my immunity and cared for my feverish boyfriend.
Because he would of done the same thing for me.
I learned that when it comes to illness, I don't mind it at all when it is someone I care deeply about. Especially when they are the source of my strength. After three and a half years, this is the first time Jordan has fallen severely ill. Sure we've both had our boughts with nasty colds, but I am talking about up-all-night-with-fever-and-chills-can't-get-out-of-bed sick, and it breaks my heart. Seeing him in so much pain makes me feel so bad for him. He's not the same goofy happy person and I miss it. I wish I could make him feel better in an instant...but I can't. I feel that being with him as much as I can helps ease his pain a little (Theraflu seems to getting a majority of the job done) and if that means exposing myself to the wintertime disease, then so be it. Sure, I will most likely come down with it in a couple of days, but a part of me just doesn't care because I know I will have the best bedside partner to take care of me. As for now, I am way more content with making sure Jordan is as comfortable as can be.
We took his temperature before he laid down tonight to go to sleep before he has to wake up to medicate himself some more and my efforts have paid off. His 101.3 fever diminished into 98.6 degree reading. I know this temporary relief is most likely short lived, but I was happy that he was feeling a little better. He even managed to muster out a laugh before I turned off his bedroom light.
So, the days will go on and he will get better in time. I just hope that these next few days go quickly because I hate seeing him feeling so miserable.
I miss my goofy, lovable, healthy Jordan.
Get well soon,
Shirley.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My luckiest unlucky day of the year...
is proof that God and my guardian angel really are looking after me. Yesterday I had a typical run-of-the-muck bad day. Granted, it could have been far worse, but it was still crummy. My first class of the day (American Lit) we had a pop quiz for which I was unprepared for. Needless to say I failed and was feeling pretty miserable. Then, in my second class (Sociology 314: Social Problems) I was unaware we had a paper due...now I'm really feeling like crap. My stomach dropped and I was so close to beating my head up against my desk for the whole class to see. Forget social problems, I was about to give them a prime example of personal problems. How could I have forgotten to do so many assignments? One of which being really important? My conscience gave my mind a work over and I harped on myself for being so unprepared for Monday. After Sociology ended, I booked it straight to the library to reserve a couch for myself so that I could garner my thoughts and prepare myself for my last class of the day (History 214: History of Britain from 1688-1850). Jordan heard the crabby attitude in my voice when I called to vent my frustrations to him, so he joined me during my hour and a half break at the library to try and turn my day for the better. After finishing 2/3rds of a crossword, we left each other to attend our respective classes, and I was feeling much better. I even managed to muster out a laugh as I told him bye.
My happiness was short lived.
It turns out, sometime during my head-bashing, self annihilating Sociology class, I had lost my wallet. You see, I don't carry a purse around campus because, along with my backpack, its a burden so I just carry my keys and billfold in my backpack to make things easier. Well, it turns out my foolproof system of school day luggage failed me and my wallet fell out of its protective pocket. Everything pertaining to my current financial standings was in the small brown wallet. We're talking credit card, debit card, driver's license, health insurance card, school id, important banking info, and social security card (I know you're NEVER supposed to carry it around, and I usually don't but I had it with me for a certain identification issue I dealt with earlier in the year and just forgot to remove it from my personal belongings). My whole life was in that wallet and if the wrong person grabbed a hold of it, they could ruin me in one simple click of the mouse.
Luckily, and I mean LUCKILY with every ounce of my heart, a guy I knew had a class in the same classroom my Sociology class is held in. His professor asked if anyone had known someone by my name and well...the rest is history.
My wallet was returned with nothing missing. All of my personal information was still in place and not touched...luckily.
As soon as I heard that my wallet was recovered and safe I immediately knew someone was looking out for me. Whether it was my mother or the great Lord himself I may never know, but I thank them so very much. I will admit, most of the bad luck I ran into that day wasn't really "bad luck", it was consequences of an apathetic attitude and from not taking care of responsibilities. However, even though I lapsed and let my sights get away from what was really important, my angels saved me. The lord is too good to me, even when I don't deserve his grace he still bestows it upon me. Reality soon returned and I realized that I have to keep up with my duties, because I might not be so lucky next time.
Thank goodness I attend a University that is filled with such kind hearted and honest people. Otherwise, my luckiest unlucky day might not have been so lucky.
My happiness was short lived.
It turns out, sometime during my head-bashing, self annihilating Sociology class, I had lost my wallet. You see, I don't carry a purse around campus because, along with my backpack, its a burden so I just carry my keys and billfold in my backpack to make things easier. Well, it turns out my foolproof system of school day luggage failed me and my wallet fell out of its protective pocket. Everything pertaining to my current financial standings was in the small brown wallet. We're talking credit card, debit card, driver's license, health insurance card, school id, important banking info, and social security card (I know you're NEVER supposed to carry it around, and I usually don't but I had it with me for a certain identification issue I dealt with earlier in the year and just forgot to remove it from my personal belongings). My whole life was in that wallet and if the wrong person grabbed a hold of it, they could ruin me in one simple click of the mouse.
Luckily, and I mean LUCKILY with every ounce of my heart, a guy I knew had a class in the same classroom my Sociology class is held in. His professor asked if anyone had known someone by my name and well...the rest is history.
My wallet was returned with nothing missing. All of my personal information was still in place and not touched...luckily.
As soon as I heard that my wallet was recovered and safe I immediately knew someone was looking out for me. Whether it was my mother or the great Lord himself I may never know, but I thank them so very much. I will admit, most of the bad luck I ran into that day wasn't really "bad luck", it was consequences of an apathetic attitude and from not taking care of responsibilities. However, even though I lapsed and let my sights get away from what was really important, my angels saved me. The lord is too good to me, even when I don't deserve his grace he still bestows it upon me. Reality soon returned and I realized that I have to keep up with my duties, because I might not be so lucky next time.
Thank goodness I attend a University that is filled with such kind hearted and honest people. Otherwise, my luckiest unlucky day might not have been so lucky.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Because I love him every day
I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. I'm one of those people who believe you should show your love for your significant other everyday, but I also think taking the day to go out of your way to do something special is sweet too. Nevertheless, I am just not a flower kind of girl. I think they are a waste of money because they die and eventually become another thing I have to clean up. Shelly will remember that I am not so good about throwing away my bouquet of flowers once they have passed their prime...the smell is terrible. However, Jordan knows the way to a girl's heart better than I even do. Yesterday morning, I woke up to him standing by my bed holding two roses, a bucket of my two favorite chocolate candies (Reese's and Milky Way) and a card.
Ok, so maybe I liked the roses....
The rest of the day was simple. I cleaned my bathroom and folded some laundry while he went home to nap and play his video games. I had planned to cook him a Stromboli for dinner, but we decided that we didn't want to spend the money for a meal when we already had all the ingredients to make spaghetti and meatballs. Jordan said it could be like Lady and the Tramp. I laughed. We enjoyed our cheap homemade dinner over a $15 bottle of Merlot (when you're in college, $15 wine is fancy) and watched the Aggies lose to Baylor while it rained and poured outside. After deciding our pallets were not refined enough for the expensive wine I had bought, we decided to cork the bottle and head to the movie theater. I never thought I would see the movie "He's just not that into you", but I did and, hold your breath...I liked it. It was cute.
My Valentine's day was not elaborate nor flashy or filled with fancy things. We didn't dine at an expensive restaurant, we had microwaved meatballs covered with Ragu sauce. We didn't exchange cologne or jewelry, we gave chocolate and kisses. We didn't have a candlelit lit dinner in the park, we watched it rain from the couch while watching basketball. We didn't do anything out of the ordinary, we did what we do on any given Saturday night and that's what I enjoyed the most, because I don't just care about him on Valentine's day, I love him every day.
Ok, so maybe I liked the roses....
The rest of the day was simple. I cleaned my bathroom and folded some laundry while he went home to nap and play his video games. I had planned to cook him a Stromboli for dinner, but we decided that we didn't want to spend the money for a meal when we already had all the ingredients to make spaghetti and meatballs. Jordan said it could be like Lady and the Tramp. I laughed. We enjoyed our cheap homemade dinner over a $15 bottle of Merlot (when you're in college, $15 wine is fancy) and watched the Aggies lose to Baylor while it rained and poured outside. After deciding our pallets were not refined enough for the expensive wine I had bought, we decided to cork the bottle and head to the movie theater. I never thought I would see the movie "He's just not that into you", but I did and, hold your breath...I liked it. It was cute.
My Valentine's day was not elaborate nor flashy or filled with fancy things. We didn't dine at an expensive restaurant, we had microwaved meatballs covered with Ragu sauce. We didn't exchange cologne or jewelry, we gave chocolate and kisses. We didn't have a candlelit lit dinner in the park, we watched it rain from the couch while watching basketball. We didn't do anything out of the ordinary, we did what we do on any given Saturday night and that's what I enjoyed the most, because I don't just care about him on Valentine's day, I love him every day.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
For a lack of better words
Sometimes, the emotions of my day can not be expressed in sentences. I have been having some serious trouble formulating sophisticated thoughts in my brain this past week and the only way I was able to express my feelings was through poetry. Last week I was still feeling kind of down. I guess it was the hormones again. I am feeling a little better now-a-days and I am sure my second entry will show you just that. It will also prove my current lack of creativity and writer's block...such a shame I have a 5 page paper to finish tonight...damn the timing.
I haven't fely myself lately
is it too late to say that I'm crazy
crazy for answers, crazy for truths
crazy from listening to all the bad news
Where has my heart gone
passions escaped away for long
inner turmoil has got me down
pushing my dreams into the ground
I don't aim to hurt, I don't aim to lie
I don't aim to be so upset that I must cry
I don't wish for anger, depression or grief
I just want to be able to believe
Believe in Love, God and all that is good
believe in all the things that I should
but what does it matter when I feel this way
as if my sadness will never go away
I look into your eyes and feel your soul
they burn right through me creating a hole
but I don't know if it's me or it's you
sometimes I just don't know what to do
So I will say that I am sorry
for not being myself lately
and admitting that I might be crazy
crazy for answers, crazy for truths
and for giving you all this bad news
Depressing, I know.... This one is a little more cheery. It's words to a song I'm working on, so I guess you can make up your own tune in your head.
I ain't a fan of many things
but what I am I cannot sing
for I ain't as simple as I seem
I'm what they call the inbetween
between the normal and the weird
between the pleasant and the feared
a mood that changes night and day
who never cares what people say
(chorus) No, I'm not here to 'pologize
I just want to enjoy the ride
don't care how long it will take me
I will do as I fancy
Life is short, drink Shiner Beer
I'll do my best while I'm here
I'm tired of hearing people say
what the nation did today
blue or red, red or blue
you only know what's right for you
I got no money nor stinkin' job
or a reason to cry and sob
because I know who I am
I am but am my biggest fan
(chorus again)
I hope you'll come and stay a while
maybe we can laugh and smile
and drink a bock and sing a song
stay up dancing all night long
cause I don't care 'bout many things
but what I do I guess I'll sing
Have a great weekend everyone!
I haven't fely myself lately
is it too late to say that I'm crazy
crazy for answers, crazy for truths
crazy from listening to all the bad news
Where has my heart gone
passions escaped away for long
inner turmoil has got me down
pushing my dreams into the ground
I don't aim to hurt, I don't aim to lie
I don't aim to be so upset that I must cry
I don't wish for anger, depression or grief
I just want to be able to believe
Believe in Love, God and all that is good
believe in all the things that I should
but what does it matter when I feel this way
as if my sadness will never go away
I look into your eyes and feel your soul
they burn right through me creating a hole
but I don't know if it's me or it's you
sometimes I just don't know what to do
So I will say that I am sorry
for not being myself lately
and admitting that I might be crazy
crazy for answers, crazy for truths
and for giving you all this bad news
Depressing, I know.... This one is a little more cheery. It's words to a song I'm working on, so I guess you can make up your own tune in your head.
I ain't a fan of many things
but what I am I cannot sing
for I ain't as simple as I seem
I'm what they call the inbetween
between the normal and the weird
between the pleasant and the feared
a mood that changes night and day
who never cares what people say
(chorus) No, I'm not here to 'pologize
I just want to enjoy the ride
don't care how long it will take me
I will do as I fancy
Life is short, drink Shiner Beer
I'll do my best while I'm here
I'm tired of hearing people say
what the nation did today
blue or red, red or blue
you only know what's right for you
I got no money nor stinkin' job
or a reason to cry and sob
because I know who I am
I am but am my biggest fan
(chorus again)
I hope you'll come and stay a while
maybe we can laugh and smile
and drink a bock and sing a song
stay up dancing all night long
cause I don't care 'bout many things
but what I do I guess I'll sing
Have a great weekend everyone!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
After some soul (or reality) searching, I've come to learn a few things
In keeping true to the title of this blog, how about a little update on a few things I have learned in the past few months? According to my recollection, the last epitome I experienced was way back in November when my four month go-around with the dentist began. As of yesterday at 3:22 p.m. I am officially done with what was beginning to feel like weekly injections of Novocaine. Honestly, I don't think I'll miss the sensation this wonderful modern day dentistry practice has provided me with over the last 16 or so weeks. However, don't get me wrong, when it comes to numbing the heck out of my face so as not to feel the jackhammer drill on my teeth I have no objections. In fact, I made this very clear to the Endodontist who performed my root canal and he happily gave me enough anesthetic so that it felt as if I suffered a stroke. The whole right side of my face was completely numb, even my ear...yes, I said my EAR. It is after the procedure is over when this miracle liquid switches from being a god-sent drug to an annoyance. I don't know anyone who loves to talk as if their tongue is missing when they get called on in class to express their opinion, or just the simple fact that your lip and cheek feel ten times their original size. Plus, I can't eat until the sensation is gone because my mouth can't decipher between what is food or skin tissue when it's full on Novocaine. Nonetheless, I'm done. That is until July when I go back for my semi-annual cleaning...and when I call an oral surgeon to have my wisdom teeth taken out (cause I have to have all 4)...but until then...I am DONE.
Lately, my mind has been a little cra-cra (a teenage slang term for "crazy"), but I think things are beginning to sort themselves out. There have been a few nights where I tossed and turned and woke up every hour on the hour. The last few nights have brought some relief, thankfully, and I have only woken up about one to two times throughout the evening. I think having a few serious "pillow talks" with Jordan have helped a great deal and he has aided in putting things in perspective for me. According to my last post, I informed everyone that I was questioning a lot if things in my life at the current and I knew that if I just trusted in the people I loved and the Lord who loves me then everything would work out...and it has. So this is what I have learned during my week and a half vacation from reality (notice the gap in Blog postings ;))
1.) I will never stop growing and maturing and my thirst for knowledge will never be quenched. There will always be questions that have no answers, and as frustrating as this may be to come to accept, I've learned that somethings are best left undiscovered. As I continue to age and gain new information about myself and the world around me, my opinions about others and facts will change with the weather. I am most certainly thankful that I have so many older and wiser people to turn to who can answer some of these unknowns. Although I feel old and mature, I know there are so many things I have yet to learn and I hope these same people I turn to will be patient as I find myself in our rapidly changing society.
2.) People change with the seasons and I am most definitely one of them. Even though I knew this coming into college and anticipated this fact to occur, the ways in which people changed surprised me, for I was wrongly under the impression that people only changed in one way. I learned that even the people you care the most about have their own internal battles to fight and no matter how much you try and persuade them, they will ultimately make their own decisions, even if that means distancing themselves very far away from you. People are going to be coming and going from my life all the dang time, so I had better get used to it, for nothing is permanent (except maybe love...that is one theory I am not strong enough to test out just yet). Along these same lines, I have learned that some people mature more quickly than others and some, when faced with the truth, choose to either embrace the harshness of reality or run and hide in their own little haven. I can't not begin to express how much this last one has frustrated me over the past seven months, but I have accepted the fact that even thought these people are choosing to live a life I do not agree with it, it's not my life, so why should it even really matter? I know what makes me happy and that is the only thing important.
3.) Whenever I think I have finished the battle and won the war, I turn the corner to realize that the burden I just overcame was a mere molehill compared to the mountain of life I have yet to climb. Since about October I have been reading the blogs of older, wiser women who have been there and done that and it made me come to terms with the fact that even though I may feel like I have fought through every struggle life can throw at you, I am only just beginning to get a taste of what life has to offer, both good and bad. I hope that in reading these wonderful blogs I can begin to prepare myself to combat the hardships and changes life is going to bring me as long as I have faith in myself and God who is becoming more of an influence in my life than ever before.
4.) Furthermore, my relationship with Jordan will always be changing, but in a good way. We've been together for about three years and four months now. Not nearly as long as other couples I know, but long enough to where there are hardly any secrets / surprises between us. I see other couples who have just begun their courtship and remember how that felt when me and Jordan were freshly entering the dating scene. I'll admit, it was fun and exciting to be in a new relationship, to be up all night getting to know each other and spending every waking moment together. However, even though those days may be near their end, I am happy with the way things are now. My cute new boyfriend has turned into my best friend, the person who knows me inside and out, who I can no longer hide anything from because he can tell how I feel just from the expression on my face or they way I sigh. Who even though there is nothing new between us we are still able to experience everything new in life...together. I've learned that it isn't always easy, and even though we have overcome a lot in the past, we have a lot to deal with in the future and if we have any hope of making it, it is most definitely going to take work and patience. Nonetheless, I can't imagine anyone else I would rather fight for.
My mind is still growing. My personality is still being shaped. My world will forever be changing. Thankfully, I have had and will continue to have the help of my elders to guide me through life and hopefully, one day, I too can help make a difference in someone's life.
Until then,
happy trails.
Lately, my mind has been a little cra-cra (a teenage slang term for "crazy"), but I think things are beginning to sort themselves out. There have been a few nights where I tossed and turned and woke up every hour on the hour. The last few nights have brought some relief, thankfully, and I have only woken up about one to two times throughout the evening. I think having a few serious "pillow talks" with Jordan have helped a great deal and he has aided in putting things in perspective for me. According to my last post, I informed everyone that I was questioning a lot if things in my life at the current and I knew that if I just trusted in the people I loved and the Lord who loves me then everything would work out...and it has. So this is what I have learned during my week and a half vacation from reality (notice the gap in Blog postings ;))
1.) I will never stop growing and maturing and my thirst for knowledge will never be quenched. There will always be questions that have no answers, and as frustrating as this may be to come to accept, I've learned that somethings are best left undiscovered. As I continue to age and gain new information about myself and the world around me, my opinions about others and facts will change with the weather. I am most certainly thankful that I have so many older and wiser people to turn to who can answer some of these unknowns. Although I feel old and mature, I know there are so many things I have yet to learn and I hope these same people I turn to will be patient as I find myself in our rapidly changing society.
2.) People change with the seasons and I am most definitely one of them. Even though I knew this coming into college and anticipated this fact to occur, the ways in which people changed surprised me, for I was wrongly under the impression that people only changed in one way. I learned that even the people you care the most about have their own internal battles to fight and no matter how much you try and persuade them, they will ultimately make their own decisions, even if that means distancing themselves very far away from you. People are going to be coming and going from my life all the dang time, so I had better get used to it, for nothing is permanent (except maybe love...that is one theory I am not strong enough to test out just yet). Along these same lines, I have learned that some people mature more quickly than others and some, when faced with the truth, choose to either embrace the harshness of reality or run and hide in their own little haven. I can't not begin to express how much this last one has frustrated me over the past seven months, but I have accepted the fact that even thought these people are choosing to live a life I do not agree with it, it's not my life, so why should it even really matter? I know what makes me happy and that is the only thing important.
3.) Whenever I think I have finished the battle and won the war, I turn the corner to realize that the burden I just overcame was a mere molehill compared to the mountain of life I have yet to climb. Since about October I have been reading the blogs of older, wiser women who have been there and done that and it made me come to terms with the fact that even though I may feel like I have fought through every struggle life can throw at you, I am only just beginning to get a taste of what life has to offer, both good and bad. I hope that in reading these wonderful blogs I can begin to prepare myself to combat the hardships and changes life is going to bring me as long as I have faith in myself and God who is becoming more of an influence in my life than ever before.
4.) Furthermore, my relationship with Jordan will always be changing, but in a good way. We've been together for about three years and four months now. Not nearly as long as other couples I know, but long enough to where there are hardly any secrets / surprises between us. I see other couples who have just begun their courtship and remember how that felt when me and Jordan were freshly entering the dating scene. I'll admit, it was fun and exciting to be in a new relationship, to be up all night getting to know each other and spending every waking moment together. However, even though those days may be near their end, I am happy with the way things are now. My cute new boyfriend has turned into my best friend, the person who knows me inside and out, who I can no longer hide anything from because he can tell how I feel just from the expression on my face or they way I sigh. Who even though there is nothing new between us we are still able to experience everything new in life...together. I've learned that it isn't always easy, and even though we have overcome a lot in the past, we have a lot to deal with in the future and if we have any hope of making it, it is most definitely going to take work and patience. Nonetheless, I can't imagine anyone else I would rather fight for.
My mind is still growing. My personality is still being shaped. My world will forever be changing. Thankfully, I have had and will continue to have the help of my elders to guide me through life and hopefully, one day, I too can help make a difference in someone's life.
Until then,
happy trails.
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