Friday, December 31, 2010

Stay Tuned!

Howdy! I'm still on my extended 2010 Holiday blogging break. I promise to return soon after the new year and update you all on my many December activities!

Right now I am headed out to kick off my NYE plans. Happy New Year to everyone!

So stay tuned!

Monday, December 20, 2010

"Oh Come, Oh Come!"

Found this on Youtube and I love it. Can't get enough of this version! If I could jam with this maginificent singing group, well that would be amazing!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Thanks

The past few days, I have been thinking about my mom a lot. Don't get me wrong, I think about her almost everyday. However, lately it's been more than usual. Probably because the Holiday season is right around the corner, and for me it kicks off tomorrow. My mother loved the holidays. I mean, she absolutely adored them. She made sure to make every childhood moment during Christmas special and memorable for all of us. She embodied more spirit during these months than most people I know. I am a Christmas fanatic. I am straight up looney when it comes to the birth of Jesus Christ and decorating the house in red and green colors and millions of sparkling lights. Still, nothing I do during the season can even hold a candle to what my mother did. She made sure to convey the true meaning of the holiday as much as she could, whether it be Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Independence Day, Memorial Day, etc. And while the Advent season is my favorite time of the year, and despite the fact that there is Christmas music being played on my computer as I type out this very blog, I DO REMEMBER that Thanksgiving comes first. And in the true spirit of my mother, I have chosen to acknowledge the fall holiday and recollect all that I am thankful for.

1.) My life and health.

2.) Jordan. For being such an awesome person and working his hands to the bone so he can provide for his family as soon as he can.

3.) My family.

4.) Tim DeRuyter

5.) My job.

6.) Food on the table and two roofs over my head.

7.) Ryan Tannehill.

8.) My Education.

9.) Books.

10.) Aspen, Colorado's existence.

11.) Money in the bank account.

12.) My Nephews.

13.) Von Miller.

14.) Homemade Macaroni and Cheese.

15.) My Amazon Kindle, without which I would not survive my Tues/Thur classes.

16.) The joyful welcoming my puppy gives me everytime I come home, not matter how bad my day has been.

17.) Bananas.

18.) Mike Sherman.

19.) Carnation Instant Breakfast.

20.) My faith.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

"It was Judgement Day in Aggieland..."

I originally posted this two years ago in rememberance of the 12 Aggies who lost their lives building Bonfire in 1999. I was in the 6th grade when this tragedy befell on Aggieland, and eleven years later I can still remember that day as if it were yesterday, and my heart hurts just as much. I truly felt connected to the Aggie family at this point...and from then on, I made sure to never forget.
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Nine years ago today, I was in the sixth grade. Twelve years old, snuggled in bed safe and warm, and oblivious to what was occurring 75 miles northwest of Houston. My older sister aroused me from my deep slumber early in the morning to inform me that the Texas A&M Bonfire had collapsed.

The stack had fallen.

So many students (at least a greater majority) attending the University in the present time have no recollection of this event. They had only learned about it upon fish camp, or perhaps strolling the campus one day when they came upon the memorial.

I remember as if it were yesterday.

My older brothers were in College Station going to school (maybe the oldest one had graduated already, I can't remember) when the tragedy occurred, and my first thought was to make sure they were okay. My mother, of course, placed her call and made sure they were not on the Polo fields when it fell. They were both okay.

We were fortunate.

I sat and watched the television all morning. I watched as crew members removed log after log from the stack. I witness students jumping in to help whenever they deemed it necessary, hoping to recover their fellow Aggie family members. I saw helpless students drop to their knees to pray, the only thing they could do.



I cried.

I was shuffled off to school and taken away from my news outlet, but I still heard updates. I heard the number grow as people murmured in the hallway...2, 4, 6, 7, 11, etc. I felt so helpless. All I could do was watch. I clipped newspaper articles in the week after and made sure to keep them to make sure I would never forget.

I didn't need the newspaper articles.

What I felt that day was unexplainable. I was only twelve, but I had never felt more apart of the Aggie Family. I made my own memory ribbon and wore it to school over the next three days and continued to pray for the fallen 12 and 27 injured. A few weeks later we visited College Station and walked over to the Polo fields. My mother lost it. The atmosphere was amazing, both good and bad. Here was this area, roped off with police tape and orange temporary gating, where a tragic event occurred and where people lost loved ones and friends. Twelve had lost their lives, but there must have been over 40,000 sets of flowers, pots, rings, notes, and anything else the student body could think of laying beside the makeshift orange barriers. I later learned that at the time of the collapse students ran up and down their dorms yelling for everyone to go to the stack and help save those caught in the destruction. The football team and students came together and pulled off logs one by one with their own bare hands. The Aggie spirit was being tested.

The Aggie Spirit overcame.

Even in times of tragedy, we stood strong. Throughout the aftermath and the years to follow we helped in any way we could and made sure to never forget. I visited the memorial earlier this year in May, I walked away with a heavy heart. The events of November 18, 1999 were tragic, but we must never forget. Those students perished working on a tradition they loved at a school they held dear to their hearts, and for that reason we must treat them with the same devotion they gave to Texas A&M University. Now, I am not going to get into all the "should Bonfire be brought back to campus" argument. I don't believe I have the right to make that call, nor do I believe it to be the responsibility of anyone who was not affected by this event directly. We have to respect the families of the ones we lost. If they are comfortable with seeing one of A&M's greatest traditions burn again, then so be it, but until that time....

We must never forget.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Cancer Can Never Win

So I had this whole Playlist Thursday thing planned out for today...then I looked over my musical selections and realized that they were all SUPER depressing, and no one wants to be depressed right? I mean, the whole point of Playlist Thursday is to get excited about the weekend! Now I have nothing.

That's it. Nada.

I mean, everything in life right now is about the same as always.

School sucks, God is great, Jordan is fine, family is amazing, blah blah blah. And I don't want to ALWAYS blog about the same things over and over. THAT IS SO BORING. I get tired of writing about them, and I know you get tired of reading about them. So I am thinking...what on earth could I write about today? Something I may have never opened up about before...perhaps?

Ok here it goes. Take a big, deep, relaxing breath. Close your eyes and prepare yourself for this:



Cancer.



Ok ok ok ok ok. I know this topic isn't all that gleetingly joyful either, but something is happening this weekend that just reminds me about my perspective on the whole topic of "The C Word" that just makes me want to expell my thoughts and emotions over it.

Cancer sucks.

That was a big shock, wasn't it? But no really, it absolutely and entirely sucks. In fact, I think it is the closest thing to hell a human being can experience on earth without actually being in hell itself. Just last week, in my delightfully wholesome and oh, so important Women's Health class, we had a two day lecture about cancer, especially cancer in women. There were about 15 or so slides about the risks, the causes, the chances, the signs, the dangers, the statistics, the symptoms, and yadda yadda yadda. In my mind, throughout the whole presentation, I had thoughts like this:

Prof: "you can get cancer if you don't eat right."
my thoughts: "ok, but my mother ate right all the time."
Prof: "you can get cancer if you don't exercise."
my thoughts: "ok, but my mother exercised ALL THE FRIGGIN time, she was in amazingly good shape."

And about 10 other things that all warranted the same response:

"OK, but my mother did all those things and she still got sick."

I have a hard time dealing with this part about cancer awareness. Everytime someone wants to lecture about it, they always make it seem as if the person who was diagnosed with cancer must have done something irresponsible to warrant them getting ill in the first place. They must have done something wrong and cancer is the result. They must have smoked, been fat, never exercised, or gotten the proper check-ups for early screening.

I have to pray to Jesus real hard to control my emotions and not have an uncontrollable fit of rage and throw my pencil at their face everytime this happens. Because an individual can do everything in their power of prevention and still be diagnosed. Cancer is an evil that has no boundaries. It is not biased. It does not care if you are married, have two or eight kids, or are only 16 years old. There is not a temp that goes door to door, surveying the people figuring out who would be the best candidate for contracting this disease. Cancer will not knock on your door, ask to come in, notice the bassinet in the corner and go "my apologies, clearly you already have your hands full and there is just too much love in this household. I shall go and visit someone more convenient."

One day, cancer knocked on my mother's door. It did not care that she bore and loved and cared for eight children. It did not care that she was one of the most loving and wonderful women ever to walk the earth. Instead, cancer ignored everything about my mother's life and barged right in without permission.

Cancer can be so rude.

But here's the kicker. Everything has it's weakness. Nothing is perfect. We all have our faults and pressure points and one of the greatest things about this truth is that evil does too. And because cancer is evil and there is a light to every dark, cancer doesn't stand a chance.

Cancer may think it has won once it invades the body. It can progress, alter your appearances, make you wish you were dead instead of living out the days of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Loved ones can't bear to helplessly watch as they see their wife, daughter, son, husband, brother, sister, mother, father, grandfather, etc. succumb to the evils that is "the c word".

However, cancer only thinks that it has won.

When my mother passed away and cancer watched my entire family in the immediate days preeceding and following her death, I bet he was doing a victory dance. "Look at all of those sad faces! Look at all of those tears! Just look at all of the pain in their hearts! I have made the ultimate victory! I have attacked one of the largest and closest family clans in the city of Houston, and look at them now!"

Cancer had made one of its biggest mistakes.

Cancer can never win.

Yes, while losing my mother was hard and seeing my whole family mourn her loss was difficult, it in no way or shape ripped us apart. That is one thing cancer can never do. It can never, ever, not in a million years, ruin what is there before it so rudely barges in on peoples' lives. The only thing cancer succeeds in doing is creating one of its most powerful enemies. An opponent. A group stronger than it will ever be. Powered by love, cancer creates fighters.

My mother did not lose her battle. How can it be a loss when, after years of struggle and you run out of the energy needed for here on earth, you get to go and join our Lord and Saviour in his Kingdom of Heaven? How can it be a victory for cancer when hundreds of loved ones come together, join hands in a church and sing of God's praises? On the day of my mother's funeral, almost 1,000 people gathered at St. Vincent DePaul to honor her life. To say thank you for all that she had done. It was the single most empowering moment of my life, to know that just one person could do so much in just 49 years.

Cancer can never ruin what was there before.

My family remains one of the closest and most loving clans. We know that cancer could never defeat what we had and still have to this day. We know that cancer can never win. Every time we smile, every time we laugh, every time we remember and look up to the heavens in praise, we sing out our victory. We tell cancer that it can go to hell!

Every Spring, we gather together in one of the largest efforts to permanently remove the evil of cancer from the lives of millions around the country and the world. We come together in love and in faith and raise money so that we can give back, and give hope to all those affected by the evil. We continue to stand together as an example that although we may have suffered in the past, we refuse to bow down and take the defeat. In doing this we hope that more bells can be rung for every patient deemed "cancer free". For everyone who has run out of time and gone to join the Lord we can remind them that there is never a loss and what laid before can never be brought down but built up higher and higher and stronger and stronger!

This weekend, my family is coming together for the hundredth time this year. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers, will gather in Aggieland to celebrate life and enjoy the beautiful weather. We will smile, we will laugh, and we will look up to the heavens in praise and we will know...

cancer can never win!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Halloween Anniversary



Jordan and I started dating on this day 5 years ago. It has been half a decade! Words can not describe how much I love this boy. We have been through many trials and tribulations in our time together, but each has made our love for God and each other stronger. He is the answer to my prayers.

Happy Anniversary, Jordan! I love you.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010



AND I NOW HAVE 3 RESEARCH PAPERS TO WRITE! THIS IS THE BEST SEMESTER EVER! LIKE SERIOUSLY, I AM SO HAPPY THAT THIS SEMESTER HAS GRACIOUSLY COME INTO MY LIFE! I LOVE THE WORLD OF ACADEMIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



%&#$ you academia.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I know I should really blog, but I am now getting into the grit of researching and (now) actually writing my 2 research papers. Yuck!!! So, I most likely will not be able to blog as often as I want, but you never know when a moment of severe procrastination may hit. I'll try to come around, but I can't make any promises.

I know. I am as sad as you are...I promise.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


Oh, College Football. You are so good at keeping me out of the library on Saturdays (not that that's a hard thing to do), I am not sure if I should commend you or not. You see, I really should be on campus. Reading about motherhood and the second shift. Choosing academic sources wisely and collectively. Getting my annotations together and organized. But no, you're enticing and competitive atmosphere that you bring into my home every 6th day of the week has me reeling in excitement. I just can't manage to get off the couch. Throw in the fact that the vegetable drawer in my fridge is loaded with, not nutritious and organic green vegetables, or even fruit for that matter, but ice cold Shiner Blonde and Bock. May I add that this is my final semester of college? That I am about halfway done with my final 16 weeks of school, and I have absolutely no room for procrastination and failure? I don't think you really care College Football, whether I graduate or not, and that sort of hurts my feelings.

You are making this relationship very difficult. I was always told that compromising is very important in keeping a relationship together, and it seems you have not kept up with your half of the deal. Must you be on every weekend? Must you schedule the most interesting and action packed games on the Saturdays when I should really be in library, studying and researching to my heart's content? You are making it very difficult for me to finish my last semester in college. All I ask is for you to just give a little.

I hope you take this conversation seriously, NCAA football, because I do not think my father, nor my federal student loans, will find it very funny if I have to stay another 16 weeks in school because you could not get your act together. So shape up. I need you to cooperate.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Please Don't Sue Me!

Don't worry, my loyal and obsessive readers! Playlist Thursday has made its return! I know how sad and depressing your lives may have been without its continuance, so I am here to answer your prayers. I have noticed that my previous posts and musical selections have "timed out" and no longer appear on their respective pages. But have no fear! Youtube is here!!!! I am hoping that by uploading youtube vids of selective songs they can hang around for a while. Of course, I also hope that I am not breaking any kind of copyright infringement by doing this, by Youtube, the internet, or the artists themselves. So I'll just post this little disclaimer just in case:

PLEASE DO NOT SUE MY BELOVED, POOR, HUNGRY, AND INNOCENT LITTLE COLLEGE SOUL. I DO NOT OWN THE MUSIC VIDEOS OR THE WONDERFUL ARTISTS APPEARING IN THEM LIP SYNCHING THEIR LITTLE HEARTS OUT TO THE CAMERAS. I JUST ENJOY THE TUNES AND HOPE THAT BY SHARING THEIR MUSIC OTHERS WILL TOO.

So, with that teeny little law-abbiding logistic out of the way, I can finally say "Yay! It is Thursday! The start of the weekend begins shortly and boy do I need to work on my ridiculously tedious, ten-page long annotated bibliography for my sociology 310 class that's due on Tuesday, not to mention my twenty-page long senior thesis for my HIST 418 class a break from school!" I finished the novels I had been reading last night, and am sort of at a loss for what to do in my spare time while I am working on my research papers waiting for my brand stinkin' new AMAZON KINDLE to come in the mail that my oh so sweet boyfriend is getting me for our 5 year anniversary that is coming up in a few weeks!!! Wait, should I mention something about this not being a commercial? Or that I am not promoting an item or anything? Cause I love ordering stuff from Amazon, and if they sued my beloved, poor, hungry, and innocent little college soul, well I just wouldn't know what to do with myself. So instead of reading my beloved novels in boring paperback editions, I guess I can read the academic books I am supposed to for college blog instead. So I decided to bring back Playlist Thursday.

I know you didn't need that whole spiel about why I decided to do Playlist Thursday again, but you got it anyway, so you're welcome!!!!!

Hold onto your knickers!

I don't know what it is about Miranda Lambert, but something about her music makes me LOVE IT! Like this song, which in a way, reminds me of my old Houston home. May it RIP.



Or this one, which is like, totally a slap in the face to all the yankee women up north:



Like I said, LOVE IT.

I never watch this show, but my brother showed me this song, which was done on their show, and for some reason I liked it. I think this girl has an amazing voice. Plus its fun to sing real loud and annoy people.



I like to pretend I have this amazing, gospel busting, church lady voice and belt out this tune in the kitchen. Much to the dismay of my lovely roommates. They just wish they had has much talent as I do.

OK. That's what I have off the top of my head for now. There are like a million songs running through my head every day. For some odd reason, Alanis Morissette was stuck in mine this morning:



Check out those brows man. Was that the 90's or what? I am not even sure I like that Alanis song. Why was it stuck in my head? I hadn't even heard it on the radio or anything. But I do know I like this one:



Goodness I like some depressing music.

OK. I could go on for days. HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT THURSDAY AVID READERS (cause I know there are so many of you!!!!!!!!), or perhaps maybe in another 9 months...but hopefully not.

Oh and post script: I learned how to strikethrough today! Not with the help of my friend Emma though...naaaaaaaah just kidding. Without her I would never of googled. Plus, I think I just learned how to link as well with her name. So, much thanks to Emma.

(Wait, perhaps I should have asked your permission before I linked your name. Because, well you know, I have so many loyal fans and subscribers I don't want any freaks wandering over to your page and do some serious stalking...so don't sue me either Emma, or we can no longer be work friends).

OK Bye!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Empty pages of notebook paper stare at me. They give me a gloating look, teasing and enticing me to scribble. My hands begin to sweat, my fingers tingle at the thought of what I could do to those empty pages. My mind is screaming "they need words!" Yet, my eyes can only stare. I dream of writing for days on end. Non-stop pen movements, gliding across the faint blue line, pouring out sentences of emotion. My arm and brain work together to expel the stories streaming through my brain as the tip of the pen explodes with thousands and thousands of letters that come together to form words, sentences, and tales. I can do damage in only an hour's time, and I can only imagine what would happen if I had my whole life to author all of my imaginative thoughts.

I squeezed these out in 30 minutes today:

Blank page. Blank feeling. Will there ever be healing?
Dry wind. No rain. Forever enduring pain.
Find the help. Find the Cure. Do not say unless you're sure.
Ease the burden. Date the Age. Erase the marks from the page.
Cut it open, what you're seeing, take away the feeling.
Make it blank. Make it absent. Forever to repent.
Because there can be no healing,
without a blank page. Without a blank feeling.


Hello stars, how have you been?
It has been a long time, my friend.
How are the heavens? How is our God?
Are you pleased with all that you saw?
I pray real hard for all things dear,
my simple "hello" at least you hear.
Although it's a miss, I carry you 'round.
Hoping you can see every sight, every sound.
The absence of voice is difficult to bear,
but I keep faith that somewhere you are near.
I stare at the stars expressing my dreams,
hoping you'll join them as real as they seem.
I wish you well, the warmth in my heart,
for I know you are with me, never to part.

Happy writing :)

- Shirley

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

My Blessed Picture Book

Meet Jordan Michael Dees



His birthday is on March 2. The day the Texas Revolution (sort of) ended. My birthday is on October 2, the day the Texas Revolution (sort of) began.

We began dating on Halloween night in the year 2005.



Jordan had actually asked me out a few days earlier, but being the stubborn individual I am, it took me a couple of days to realize what a mistake it would be to let him go.

As you can see, Jordan likes tractors:



and this is where he wants to work one day



at the John Deere headquarters located in the northern US.

He can be pretty goofy most of the time:



But he can also be very sweet and very serious



Together we have a puppy who used to look like this:



and now looks like this:



In a month and a half, me and Jordan will have been together for half a decade



and if the next 5 years are as fun as the past have been:



then I owe God one HUUUUUUUGE thank you for blessing my life with a man such as Jordan Michael Dees.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Pillow Talk of A Conflicting Dream

I love me some pillow talk. Every night I can chat multiple ears off and poor Jordan only has two. We sort have different ideas about bedtime. For me, I see it as a perfect opportunity to catch up. There are no distractions to keep us from having a full conversation. Communication is such an important part to any relationship, so why not take advantage of what is a completely perfect opportunity? I love to shoot the breeze once the lights turn out. I love talking about our days, our wishes for the future, jokes, laughing, praying...etc. However, For Jordan, climbing into bed and turning the lights off means it is snooze time. That's it. Nothing else. Sleep. Nonetheless, every now and then Jordan blesses me with the chance to hold pillow talk, and last night we had a pretty good conversation.

I have always known what Jordan wants for the future. Ever since we started dating, it was clear what his hopes and dreams were. I think a part of that is what drew me to him in the first place. He is a man that has had a vision of success since the tender age of 8. Most people grow out of their childhood fantasies about what they want to be when they grow up, but not he. Seeing his dreams come to fruition is his ultimate goal, and it always has been. I have always known this. It would mean the world to me for all of this to come true for him. I have watched him labor and pray for his goal over the years, and it would make me the happiest person just to see him be granted what he has long deserved.

Some may be thinking that I am simply rolling over and letting him have all the glory. You may be asking, "Well, what about your dreams? What about your hopes and wishes?"

And this, ladies and gentlemen, was the topic of last night's pillow talk.

Jordan knows what I want. In fact, he is only one of the very few that I have confided in about it. He has known what I really want to do for a long time. He always tells me that I can do it, that I shouldn't hold myself back, and that he will make it possible so that it is the only thing I have to focus on.

But it scares me. Because for the first time in my life, last night I realized I was scared of failure.

I always held back on considering doing what I want seriously because it made me feel bad. You see, what I want to do won't bring in any income. At least not for a few good years, and only if I am successful. I have been giving this reason all the blame for not voicing it out to Jordan sooner. For not realizing it myself until recently. However, I will admit that it sort of is an unpleasant thought, to think that I won't be earning a salary and adding to the income of my husband and I's overall wealth. How can I push that burden onto Jordan so early in our marriage?

"Sweet, we're newlyweds! Now get off to work honey and earn me that money sweetie, so we can buy a house and build our dreams on your sweat and tears only."

Ugh, it makes me feel so selfish.

I express all of this to Jordan everytime this subject is brought up. He is always understanding and assures me that he wouldn't feel that way, but the problem is that I do. Not only do I battle with these thoughts, but the idea that if I were to do it, if I were to succumb to my selfish wish and carry out my goal, that I would fail. That I would never fulfill my hopes and dreams because I am no good.

It just seems really odd for someone to be conflicted about their dreams. I know for a fact that this is the only thing that I want to do for the rest of my life. But facing this and accepting it and taking it on is such a scary thought all at the same time. Yes, you must have persistence, strength, and desire to achieve your life's dreams...but what if all of that is simply not enough?

Friday, August 13, 2010

Taking Life for Granted

Hello long lost invisible friends and the not so invisible individuals! I actually have three followers now! Ohhhhh man look out! It appears I may be the next hottest blogger on the net. In spite of my growing popularity, I have decided to stop by and drop a few words of wisdom that I have picked up since the last time I blogged. Which was what...in February?

Oh good lord, maybe I won't fill you in on everything, but just a few tidbits I've picked up in the last month or so...or perhaps just this last week.

I mean, I am supposed to be graduating with a bachelor's degree in life, so I must be learning something, right?

First of all, I would like to point out that at the current moment, I am blogging from the comforts of a rocking chair on the front porch of the most beautiful country home known to man. And may I add that there is a subtle and refreshing breeze blowing across the terrain, cooling the burn of the daytime heat and allowing for the perfect amount of condensation to gather upon my Shiner Bock beer bottle. Another amazing aspect of my arriving home this evening was that I found the fridge freshly stocked with ice cold Shiner beer. Oh how I love my dear father.

Now, the sun is beginning to drop lower in the sky, the green grass (and that is a HUGE deal out here, for it being mid-August and the grass still a luscious green is amazingly awesome) is turning a hint of gold as the crickets come out and join me on my awesome porch, taking it all in.

TGIF folks!

Fridays are always wonderful. Even Friday the 13ths, as today is/was. I actually had a pretty good day.

Gazing upon the cows as they graze upon the pasture, a sense of calm is washing over me. This week may not have been the most enjoybale of the year, but it was a week of numerous personal realizations. Let's start from the beginning:

1.) I could never be a military wife...ever. Let me just say that those women are a hell of a lot stronger than I ever will be in my life, and they most certainly deserve a special kind of reward/honor. I could not imagine living every day knowing the person I love is out risking his life, fighting for our and other countries' freedoms putting his life on the line every minute, of every hour, of every day of their deployment. For all of you women and men out there who courageously live through each day in this state, I thank you and respect you more than you will ever know.

Because it has been seven days without a word from Jordan and I am about to lose my mind.

2.) I have learned that not everyone will agree with my actions, my thoughts, and my opinions. And while I have known this to be true for random people I meet or just simple acquaintances, I had to realize that this also held true for my family. We are a very large clan, so of course opinions will differ among the many. I have had to learn to accept this difference and taught myself to not let it get to my heart and feelings. It's OK to be different, especially to be different from your siblings.

In saying this I know a lot will not agree with this blog post. That some may call or comment at a future date on how "stupid" this is going to sound. Or how "desperate" and "needy" and dumb it is. Plus, this won't stop just my family members from speaking their mind, even if it's just to themselves and they never utter a word of their thoughts to me personally, but many unrelated individuals will not agree with me on this either. And to that I say..Oh well, get over it, this is my life, get your own blog, get your own feelings.

Oh wow, I am Angelica Pickles.

But no really, in all seriousness, I believe that God created this week on purpose. Today, I firmly came to realize that this week was a way for God to slap me in the face and say, "just what in the world do you think you are doing?"

Ohhhhh man did I ever hear this loud and clear this week!

Let me explain.

You see, Jordan left a week ago last Saturday for a week long cruise, Sunday-Sunday, to the Bahamas, where we would have no contact with each other for 7 days. No phone calls, no emails, no chats, texts, nothing. Nada. Zero. I kissed him one last time before he left last week and I had to hold on to that for what would seem like the longest week of my life.

Let me be clear: me and Jordan have never gone more than 4 hours without speaking to each other before this trip. This does not include the hours we sleep, because...well...maybe they do because Jordan talks in his sleep all the time.... Anyway, back to my point.... Every trip he or I have ever gone on since we were 18 has either been with each other or within the confines of the United States, so lines of communication were still available and open. This would be the first time I would not hear his voice for 7. Freaking. Days.

Now you're probably at the point to where your muttering to yourself, "omg, get over it, you are so dramatic...get a life, you're so dependent...ack this is nauseating", to which I can respond...this is my life, my blog, get your own feelings...blah, blah, blah, I am Angelica Pickles."

Ok Carrying on.

It was hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be, but most of all it was weird. It was weird to not hear his voice, to tell him I love him whenever I wanted, to let him know how my day was, and to tell him "goodnight" and to "sleep well". This may not seem weird to you, but when you have been doing it for over 58 months straight, you can't help but feel like something is missing.

And it was, it was as if Jordan didn't exist. I lived my nightmare for 7 days. I was living my life without Jordan in it.

And I hated it.

I hated every minute of this week. I was happy for Jordan, he deserved this vacation more than anyone else I currently know. He has labored many, many hours this summer and he needed the break. So when he set off I wanted him to have fun. I wanted him to rest. I wanted him to have a great time with his mother and sister on the cruise ship. But I also wanted him to come back the minute he pulled out of my driveway.

God did this on purpose.

I soon realized how important and how meaningful Jordan is in my life. I had always known this, but it was like a slap in the face. I began to regret all the awful things I had done to him recently. I was in a foul mood the night before he left town, and we didn't have the greatest last night together. I soon felt remorse for it. Considering my past, it was not odd for me to think about what it would be like if he were to never come back...if he, heaven forbid, were to ever join my mother and Our Lord in heaven, how I would feel. I didn't enjoy those thoughts much either. I thought about all the times I wasn't Shirley and became "Angelica", about how I had begun to treat him, how I commenced to take his love and life for granted.

God did this on purpose.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today. God had been telling me these things for a long time, maybe even years, but I was too stubborn to listen. Well now I am listening. I got to talk to Jordan today, for the first time in almost seven days, and I poured my heart out to him. It was filled with apologies, and I love you's and I am sorry's and numerous things I told him I would try and never do again.

This week I learned to never, ever take Jordan for granted.

So now, I am sitting here on the porch of my father's house. A house he built out of the pure love of his heart for a women he loved more than anything in the world. A love he had that he made sure to never take for granted...because she is with our Lord in heaven watching over him, and us, today on this Friday the 13th. A day when numerous people think of their nightmares and I can't help but think my own father is living out mine. Everyday of his life. Military wives all over the world are also sharing in my father's pain, for they may have held the same nightmares, and those nightmares became reality.

Today, I got a phone call from a boy. A boy whose been on vacation for a week, whom I have not been able to speak to for only 7 days...

and I'll be damned if I ever take that for granted.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I HAVE THE BEST ROOMMATES EVER!
(plus a weekend roomie!)

For a quick update:
- College Station got 3-4in. of snow yesterday! (As can be seen in the picture above)
- Tomorrow will be a balmy 60 degrees (only in Texas).
- I ORDERED MY AGGIE RING IN JANUARY AND HAVE ONLY 50 MORE DAYS UNTIL MY RING DAY!
- School still stinks major cajones but I am finding my way through it. After this summer, only one more semester left! WHOOP!
- Everyone I know is getting married. Ok, not everyone, but a lot of them.
- I still love Jordan Michael Dees with all my heart and we are currently booking a trip to ASPEN, COLORADO baby!
- This spring is jam packed with events so I hope to be on here to let you all know about them. That is, if I ever have time. Coming up we have:
1.) More wedding showers than I can count
2.) Team ReJoyce's Second Annual Washer Tourney (get your $30 registration fee in by the 6th and you're on the bracket!)
3.) Spring Break baby!
4.) My cousin Amy's wedding!
5.) Sister's couples shower and bachelorette party in Austin!
6.) My Aggie Ring Day! (April 16th for all those counting down)
and much much more!

Exciting times are ahead!