My happy, lovable, healthy boyfriend is M.I.A. for the next few days

As you may recall, I detest illnesses. When someone is sick I stay as far away from them as possible, and when I fall ill I drug up as much as I can so as not to feel the awfulness that is a viral infection. So come flu season, I am one Walgreens trip away from darning rubber gloves 24 hours a day. Typically in College Station, flu season hits its peak in January when everyone returns from the break and dies off at the end of February.

We almost made it.

Starting sometime around Thursday night, Jordan began to complain of a raw, scratchy throat. His roommate had come down with a nasty case of the Flue the day before and after a trip to the ER learned that it wasn't just the flu but an ear and sinus infection as well. So when Jordan brought up that he wasn't feeling so well, my guard went up. I didn't suspect influenza right away because I knew the incubation period is longer than one day, so I didn't heed to Jordan's moans and groans...until this morning. I took one look into his eyes and knew he was not feeling the greatest. I felt his forehead, neck and chest and suspected he was running a low fever and after a quick thermometer read I realized my suspicions were right. 101.3 degrees. He asked me what that meant and I told him truthfully that we were no longer battling a simple cold, but the flu itself.

If it were any other person, I would have ran. I would have grabbed my things and ran out of my own bedroom to safety. But I didn't. The look of helplessness in his eyes was too much to bare.

All day today I sat by his side, woke him up to take his medicine dosages when he needed too, sat with him in a doctor's office for two hours just to leave empty handed, fed him juice, soup, and took his temperature. All by his bedside. I...yes I took care of an ill loved one. I, a person who is deathly afraid of doctors' offices and just the prospect of getting sick, sacrificed the strength of my immunity and cared for my feverish boyfriend.

Because he would of done the same thing for me.

I learned that when it comes to illness, I don't mind it at all when it is someone I care deeply about. Especially when they are the source of my strength. After three and a half years, this is the first time Jordan has fallen severely ill. Sure we've both had our boughts with nasty colds, but I am talking about up-all-night-with-fever-and-chills-can't-get-out-of-bed sick, and it breaks my heart. Seeing him in so much pain makes me feel so bad for him. He's not the same goofy happy person and I miss it. I wish I could make him feel better in an instant...but I can't. I feel that being with him as much as I can helps ease his pain a little (Theraflu seems to getting a majority of the job done) and if that means exposing myself to the wintertime disease, then so be it. Sure, I will most likely come down with it in a couple of days, but a part of me just doesn't care because I know I will have the best bedside partner to take care of me. As for now, I am way more content with making sure Jordan is as comfortable as can be.

We took his temperature before he laid down tonight to go to sleep before he has to wake up to medicate himself some more and my efforts have paid off. His 101.3 fever diminished into 98.6 degree reading. I know this temporary relief is most likely short lived, but I was happy that he was feeling a little better. He even managed to muster out a laugh before I turned off his bedroom light.

So, the days will go on and he will get better in time. I just hope that these next few days go quickly because I hate seeing him feeling so miserable.

I miss my goofy, lovable, healthy Jordan.

Get well soon,

Shirley.

My luckiest unlucky day of the year...

is proof that God and my guardian angel really are looking after me. Yesterday I had a typical run-of-the-muck bad day. Granted, it could have been far worse, but it was still crummy. My first class of the day (American Lit) we had a pop quiz for which I was unprepared for. Needless to say I failed and was feeling pretty miserable. Then, in my second class (Sociology 314: Social Problems) I was unaware we had a paper due...now I'm really feeling like crap. My stomach dropped and I was so close to beating my head up against my desk for the whole class to see. Forget social problems, I was about to give them a prime example of personal problems. How could I have forgotten to do so many assignments? One of which being really important? My conscience gave my mind a work over and I harped on myself for being so unprepared for Monday. After Sociology ended, I booked it straight to the library to reserve a couch for myself so that I could garner my thoughts and prepare myself for my last class of the day (History 214: History of Britain from 1688-1850). Jordan heard the crabby attitude in my voice when I called to vent my frustrations to him, so he joined me during my hour and a half break at the library to try and turn my day for the better. After finishing 2/3rds of a crossword, we left each other to attend our respective classes, and I was feeling much better. I even managed to muster out a laugh as I told him bye.

My happiness was short lived.

It turns out, sometime during my head-bashing, self annihilating Sociology class, I had lost my wallet. You see, I don't carry a purse around campus because, along with my backpack, its a burden so I just carry my keys and billfold in my backpack to make things easier. Well, it turns out my foolproof system of school day luggage failed me and my wallet fell out of its protective pocket. Everything pertaining to my current financial standings was in the small brown wallet. We're talking credit card, debit card, driver's license, health insurance card, school id, important banking info, and social security card (I know you're NEVER supposed to carry it around, and I usually don't but I had it with me for a certain identification issue I dealt with earlier in the year and just forgot to remove it from my personal belongings). My whole life was in that wallet and if the wrong person grabbed a hold of it, they could ruin me in one simple click of the mouse.

Luckily, and I mean LUCKILY with every ounce of my heart, a guy I knew had a class in the same classroom my Sociology class is held in. His professor asked if anyone had known someone by my name and well...the rest is history.
My wallet was returned with nothing missing. All of my personal information was still in place and not touched...luckily.

As soon as I heard that my wallet was recovered and safe I immediately knew someone was looking out for me. Whether it was my mother or the great Lord himself I may never know, but I thank them so very much. I will admit, most of the bad luck I ran into that day wasn't really "bad luck", it was consequences of an apathetic attitude and from not taking care of responsibilities. However, even though I lapsed and let my sights get away from what was really important, my angels saved me. The lord is too good to me, even when I don't deserve his grace he still bestows it upon me. Reality soon returned and I realized that I have to keep up with my duties, because I might not be so lucky next time.

Thank goodness I attend a University that is filled with such kind hearted and honest people. Otherwise, my luckiest unlucky day might not have been so lucky.

Because I love him every day

I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. I'm one of those people who believe you should show your love for your significant other everyday, but I also think taking the day to go out of your way to do something special is sweet too. Nevertheless, I am just not a flower kind of girl. I think they are a waste of money because they die and eventually become another thing I have to clean up. Shelly will remember that I am not so good about throwing away my bouquet of flowers once they have passed their prime...the smell is terrible. However, Jordan knows the way to a girl's heart better than I even do. Yesterday morning, I woke up to him standing by my bed holding two roses, a bucket of my two favorite chocolate candies (Reese's and Milky Way) and a card.

Ok, so maybe I liked the roses....

The rest of the day was simple. I cleaned my bathroom and folded some laundry while he went home to nap and play his video games. I had planned to cook him a Stromboli for dinner, but we decided that we didn't want to spend the money for a meal when we already had all the ingredients to make spaghetti and meatballs. Jordan said it could be like Lady and the Tramp. I laughed. We enjoyed our cheap homemade dinner over a $15 bottle of Merlot (when you're in college, $15 wine is fancy) and watched the Aggies lose to Baylor while it rained and poured outside. After deciding our pallets were not refined enough for the expensive wine I had bought, we decided to cork the bottle and head to the movie theater. I never thought I would see the movie "He's just not that into you", but I did and, hold your breath...I liked it. It was cute.

My Valentine's day was not elaborate nor flashy or filled with fancy things. We didn't dine at an expensive restaurant, we had microwaved meatballs covered with Ragu sauce. We didn't exchange cologne or jewelry, we gave chocolate and kisses. We didn't have a candlelit lit dinner in the park, we watched it rain from the couch while watching basketball. We didn't do anything out of the ordinary, we did what we do on any given Saturday night and that's what I enjoyed the most, because I don't just care about him on Valentine's day, I love him every day.

For a lack of better words

Sometimes, the emotions of my day can not be expressed in sentences. I have been having some serious trouble formulating sophisticated thoughts in my brain this past week and the only way I was able to express my feelings was through poetry. Last week I was still feeling kind of down. I guess it was the hormones again. I am feeling a little better now-a-days and I am sure my second entry will show you just that. It will also prove my current lack of creativity and writer's block...such a shame I have a 5 page paper to finish tonight...damn the timing.

I haven't fely myself lately
is it too late to say that I'm crazy
crazy for answers, crazy for truths
crazy from listening to all the bad news

Where has my heart gone
passions escaped away for long
inner turmoil has got me down
pushing my dreams into the ground

I don't aim to hurt, I don't aim to lie
I don't aim to be so upset that I must cry
I don't wish for anger, depression or grief
I just want to be able to believe

Believe in Love, God and all that is good
believe in all the things that I should
but what does it matter when I feel this way
as if my sadness will never go away

I look into your eyes and feel your soul
they burn right through me creating a hole
but I don't know if it's me or it's you
sometimes I just don't know what to do

So I will say that I am sorry
for not being myself lately
and admitting that I might be crazy
crazy for answers, crazy for truths
and for giving you all this bad news

Depressing, I know.... This one is a little more cheery. It's words to a song I'm working on, so I guess you can make up your own tune in your head.

I ain't a fan of many things
but what I am I cannot sing
for I ain't as simple as I seem
I'm what they call the inbetween
between the normal and the weird
between the pleasant and the feared
a mood that changes night and day
who never cares what people say

(chorus) No, I'm not here to 'pologize
I just want to enjoy the ride
don't care how long it will take me
I will do as I fancy
Life is short, drink Shiner Beer
I'll do my best while I'm here

I'm tired of hearing people say
what the nation did today
blue or red, red or blue
you only know what's right for you
I got no money nor stinkin' job
or a reason to cry and sob
because I know who I am
I am but am my biggest fan

(chorus again)

I hope you'll come and stay a while
maybe we can laugh and smile
and drink a bock and sing a song
stay up dancing all night long
cause I don't care 'bout many things
but what I do I guess I'll sing


Have a great weekend everyone!

After some soul (or reality) searching, I've come to learn a few things

In keeping true to the title of this blog, how about a little update on a few things I have learned in the past few months? According to my recollection, the last epitome I experienced was way back in November when my four month go-around with the dentist began. As of yesterday at 3:22 p.m. I am officially done with what was beginning to feel like weekly injections of Novocaine. Honestly, I don't think I'll miss the sensation this wonderful modern day dentistry practice has provided me with over the last 16 or so weeks. However, don't get me wrong, when it comes to numbing the heck out of my face so as not to feel the jackhammer drill on my teeth I have no objections. In fact, I made this very clear to the Endodontist who performed my root canal and he happily gave me enough anesthetic so that it felt as if I suffered a stroke. The whole right side of my face was completely numb, even my ear...yes, I said my EAR. It is after the procedure is over when this miracle liquid switches from being a god-sent drug to an annoyance. I don't know anyone who loves to talk as if their tongue is missing when they get called on in class to express their opinion, or just the simple fact that your lip and cheek feel ten times their original size. Plus, I can't eat until the sensation is gone because my mouth can't decipher between what is food or skin tissue when it's full on Novocaine. Nonetheless, I'm done. That is until July when I go back for my semi-annual cleaning...and when I call an oral surgeon to have my wisdom teeth taken out (cause I have to have all 4)...but until then...I am DONE.

Lately, my mind has been a little cra-cra (a teenage slang term for "crazy"), but I think things are beginning to sort themselves out. There have been a few nights where I tossed and turned and woke up every hour on the hour. The last few nights have brought some relief, thankfully, and I have only woken up about one to two times throughout the evening. I think having a few serious "pillow talks" with Jordan have helped a great deal and he has aided in putting things in perspective for me. According to my last post, I informed everyone that I was questioning a lot if things in my life at the current and I knew that if I just trusted in the people I loved and the Lord who loves me then everything would work out...and it has. So this is what I have learned during my week and a half vacation from reality (notice the gap in Blog postings ;))

1.) I will never stop growing and maturing and my thirst for knowledge will never be quenched. There will always be questions that have no answers, and as frustrating as this may be to come to accept, I've learned that somethings are best left undiscovered. As I continue to age and gain new information about myself and the world around me, my opinions about others and facts will change with the weather. I am most certainly thankful that I have so many older and wiser people to turn to who can answer some of these unknowns. Although I feel old and mature, I know there are so many things I have yet to learn and I hope these same people I turn to will be patient as I find myself in our rapidly changing society.

2.) People change with the seasons and I am most definitely one of them. Even though I knew this coming into college and anticipated this fact to occur, the ways in which people changed surprised me, for I was wrongly under the impression that people only changed in one way. I learned that even the people you care the most about have their own internal battles to fight and no matter how much you try and persuade them, they will ultimately make their own decisions, even if that means distancing themselves very far away from you. People are going to be coming and going from my life all the dang time, so I had better get used to it, for nothing is permanent (except maybe love...that is one theory I am not strong enough to test out just yet). Along these same lines, I have learned that some people mature more quickly than others and some, when faced with the truth, choose to either embrace the harshness of reality or run and hide in their own little haven. I can't not begin to express how much this last one has frustrated me over the past seven months, but I have accepted the fact that even thought these people are choosing to live a life I do not agree with it, it's not my life, so why should it even really matter? I know what makes me happy and that is the only thing important.

3.) Whenever I think I have finished the battle and won the war, I turn the corner to realize that the burden I just overcame was a mere molehill compared to the mountain of life I have yet to climb. Since about October I have been reading the blogs of older, wiser women who have been there and done that and it made me come to terms with the fact that even though I may feel like I have fought through every struggle life can throw at you, I am only just beginning to get a taste of what life has to offer, both good and bad. I hope that in reading these wonderful blogs I can begin to prepare myself to combat the hardships and changes life is going to bring me as long as I have faith in myself and God who is becoming more of an influence in my life than ever before.

4.) Furthermore, my relationship with Jordan will always be changing, but in a good way. We've been together for about three years and four months now. Not nearly as long as other couples I know, but long enough to where there are hardly any secrets / surprises between us. I see other couples who have just begun their courtship and remember how that felt when me and Jordan were freshly entering the dating scene. I'll admit, it was fun and exciting to be in a new relationship, to be up all night getting to know each other and spending every waking moment together. However, even though those days may be near their end, I am happy with the way things are now. My cute new boyfriend has turned into my best friend, the person who knows me inside and out, who I can no longer hide anything from because he can tell how I feel just from the expression on my face or they way I sigh. Who even though there is nothing new between us we are still able to experience everything new in life...together. I've learned that it isn't always easy, and even though we have overcome a lot in the past, we have a lot to deal with in the future and if we have any hope of making it, it is most definitely going to take work and patience. Nonetheless, I can't imagine anyone else I would rather fight for.

My mind is still growing. My personality is still being shaped. My world will forever be changing. Thankfully, I have had and will continue to have the help of my elders to guide me through life and hopefully, one day, I too can help make a difference in someone's life.

Until then,

happy trails.