Humans are not meant to be alone. Also, I have problems.

My 12 day stint of solitary confinement in Iowa is almost over. By this time tomorrow, I will be on my way to the Des Moines International Airport to pick up my fiance who will be returning from his trip in Memphis. Let me tell you, John Deere had excellent timing on sending Jordan to the South. He had to endure three long nights of numerous storm warnings and tornado sirens. I was constantly checking the radar on the internet and watching "The Weather Channel" religiously, almost certain that a tornado was going to blow over his hotel at any moment. I would wake up every morning and frantically send him a text message to see if he was still alive. I usually got the response "huh, I didn't even know it rained last night."

Jordan is never scared of anything. I wish I had his courage. Or ignorance. Or whatever it is that lets him sleep peacefully at night. I clearly don't have it. The past eleven nights have been torturous for me. I could handle myself pretty well during the day. Sure it was boring, and sure my contact with fellow human beings was extremely limited, but I was comforted in the fact that creeps NEVER break into homes during the daylight hours. Never. Which we all know isn't true. Bad things can happen at anytime, but I had to feel good about something. So that's what I picked.

Nighttime was a different story. I would gaze out my window watching the light grow dimmer, and slowly inch my blanket closer to my face in fear. I was constantly under the impression that someone was stalking me and knew my fiance was out of town. They knew I was alone in that house. They knew I was afraid. They knew I only attained the fighting skills of an 8 month old baby. They were FOR SURE coming for me at any moment. I learned many things during these nights alone.

For instance:

1.) Houses make weird noises for no reason whatsoever. You will never hear them when you have company in the house, but as soon as it is empty and you're the sole being in the building, these noises suddenly appear. They are LOUD and they are CREEPY. Simple noises like the heater (yes, because we are still having to run the heater up here in the north) starting up send you into a freak panic mode. The creak of the stairs makes you stumble blindly to the loaded shotgun sitting in the corner of your room, for you are definitely sure there is someone outside your bedroom door this time. Your dog farts at 3am and you pee a little.

2.) When you're alone in a new home, every time you walk into a room you can immediately point random objects out and know exactly how to use them as a weapon. Let me show you.

Windex =



Mace.

Spoons =



eyeball gougers.

And a dog bone =



machete.

Granted, I really DO have a loaded shotgun sitting in the corner of my bedroom. Why that doesn't bring me peace of mind, I have no idea. I just know I have problems.

My favorite part of being alone is the pep talks I give myself every night. When I finally feel that I might be tired enough to fall asleep around 1am and turn the light off, I lay in bed, eyes wide open, listening to all the creepy Iowan noises. I turn on a giant box fan to block out some of the creaks and squeaks of the night, but I somehow still hear something. I remind myself over and over that I'm just clinically insane, and that I should never have watched that movie on Lifetime about the woman who was assaulted in her basement by a drunk homeless man. "It's ok, Shirley. Really it's ok! Just go to sleep, everything is fine. 'No one wants you,' as Jordan would say, and he's probably right (I mean, how does the phrase 'no one wants you' uttered by your fiance, a man who supposedly loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you, bring you comfort? I really do have problems). So just shut up and go to sleep."

When the fan, knowledge of the gun being only two feet away, and my dramatic pep talk fail, I stumble to the bathroom and load up on Benadryl. That usually does the trick.

So yes, I am so happy that Jordan is coming home tomorrow. Ya ya ya, I missed him and whatever. But, I am always 100% more happy and feel so incredibly safe when he is here with me. I only have to get through one more torturous night, 9 hours of pep talks and Benadryl dosages, and then I'll be as anxious as ever to drive over to that airport and see that wonderful smile once more.

:)

Megastores, spiders, friendly neighbors, and Tornadoes.

In just a few short days, Jordan and I will have been residents of the State of Iowa for two full months. It seems like its been longer, but with constant business trips for Jordan and multiple 16 hour drives to Texas for me, time seems to be moving a bit slower for us at the moment. Plus, by peeking into our house, glancing at my driver's license, and noting the plates on a majority of our vehicles, you would be guessing we had just recently moved here from Texas. Nah, we're just lazy...at least I am.

Nonetheless, throughout the past 60 days, I have noticed little differences between the corn lavished fields of Iowa and the vast expanse of farming land in Texas. Because both states hold an importance on farming, they share many qualities. For instance, Iowans are just as polite and Friendly as Texans, however they are a bit more private. Our first few weeks here, the snow was still falling and the temperatures were far below freezing. No one ventured outside of the house during these times, and I don't blame them. In Texas, when new neighbors move in, it is very customary for the fellow residents on the street to come out and greet the newcomers. But, when it's 10 degrees outside and northern winds are gusting above 20mph, I'm with my fellow Iowans and agree to stay in the house and greet them once Spring comes.

Once the warmer weather arrived and the sun came out, our neighborhood came to life. I had no idea there were this many families residing in our little suburb! Hundreds of elementary aged children, young couples, and plenty of pets. Kids here seem to live the type of childhood I had growing up. Running around barefoot with the bare essentials, water guns, bikes, etc. while the parents sit in their fold-able chairs on the lawn drinking ice cold beer or tea. Jordan I went on a walk one beautiful Saturday afternoon and were constantly greeted with smiles and young children running up to admire Jake. It was nice and pleasant, and I can't wait for more of those days.

The grass here is very different, and I quickly learned what "de-thatching" meant.



Apparently, in the north, you have to remove all the dead grass from the lawn, like as if you're combing the yard with a special brush, and then re-fertilize it. Some have even hired a company and treated their lawns with a special nitrogen spray. We did not. Thus, our grass is still brown and gross while the rest of the neighborhood is covered in a luscious green hue. I hope these Iowans know Texans are not used to pampering our grass. Jordan finally gave in and we headed out to Menard's (which is basically a Lowe's on speed, this place is awesome) and got some yard care essentials. The past two days have greeted us with a nice steady rainfall, so hopefully this does the trick.

Furthermore, upon moving to Iowa, I was relieved to think I would not have to deal with the numerous and big scary insects of the south (ahem...roaches). Less humidity and heat = less scary insects thriving in the home = happy Shirley. In the end though, my dreams were squashed. I should have known better than to assume this, because every region has their own pests. Iowa is no exception. For here, in the lovely corn state, apparently we have problems with Wolf Spiders. An insect that has the name "wolf" in it does not sound pleasant. Not. At. All. Not a single thing about hearing this type of spider made me feel comfortable, so why should I Google and freak myself out more? I don't know why, but I did.

I regretted it immediately.



These things are scary. They are big and hairy and THEY CHASE YOU. They don't spin webs, so these arachnids hunt for their food. And yes, that means us humans too. If they are hiding in your cupboard, or pantry, and you open the door to grab a cup or bag of chips and see this 8 legged creature staring back at you...run! But it is most likely too late, because in that instance, instead of the animal getting frightened and running from the light (like most normal insects of the devil), wolf spiders will JUMP AT YOU AND ATTACK!

Gah.

Pretty sure I killed one of these already earlier this week while I was digging up the dead plants in our garden. Good news is, even though they jump at and chase humans around, they still have a weakness against shoes.

Phew.

So, living here as been pretty great so far. Sure, Iowa has its downfalls. Such as...oh I don't know...little things, like: tornadoes, wolf spiders, blizzards, high maintenance grass, poorly paved roads, windy days, and did I mention tornadoes? Just to name a few. Nonetheless, it has great benefits. Jordan loves his job to death. He travels a lot and will be making numerous trips overseas this summer, but in the end it's ok. It brings us closer and forces us to make more out of our time together. The lifestyles and personalities of the residents are very similar to Texan values, which is awesome. The pretty days in Iowa are about 100x more beautiful than the prettiest days in the south. I can't even begin to describe the freshness of the air up here. Plus, the low humidity makes for great hair days. However, I know this will never be Texas because there is no place like home. I know I've said we'll make our way back to the Lone Star State, and we will eventually, but in the meantime I am enjoying life experiencing something new.

Before I go, I'll leave you with a few more tidbits about life here in Ankeny:
- there is no traffic...literally. Rush hour? Please....



- No one knows what "tanks" are, other than them thinking of the military vehicle. Everything is either a lake or a pond. We seriously baffled our sponsor couple when we kept referring to the body of water on Jordan's land as a "tank" instead of a pond. T'was quite comical.
- Ducks have the right of way.
- Geese are loud.
- They have a store here that's like a Cabela's and an Academy combined. A super awesome place to kill a few hours.
- Contrary to previous opinion, Ankeny is pet friendly.
- They LOVE spending times outdoors here.
- Tornado sirens never sound awesome. They will forever be eerie.
- Drivers here are soooooooo much better than Texan drivers. Like, a light-year of a difference. It is definitely gonna take some time to get used to driving like a responsible, safe driver who minds the other vehicles on the freeway as opposed to the "everyone for themselves" 80mph mentality.

Til next time,

Shirley

Team ReJoyce

On March 12, 2010, the Stevenson 8 and hundreds of family and friends came together for the 3rd Annual Team ReJoyce Washer Tournament in an effort to raise money for the American Cancer Society.



We all know that cancer affects everyone, directly or indirectly, and many choose to find a way to combat the evil that this disease inflicts upon the millions of American families each year. My family decided to do our part three years ago and became involved with our county's local Relay For Life event. For a more personal and in depth look at why we chose to seek our revenge, see my post Cancer Can Never Win.

All in all, we decided to hold our annual tournament to remember all the loved ones we have lost or those who have suffered the battle against cancer. Most namely, for our mother, Joyce Darilek Stevenson,



and other loved ones in our lives who have been either afflicted or affected.

In our third year, we planned to raise our monetary goal to $10,000. A whopping $5,000 more than we had ever previously managed to raise. We were confident, we were dedicated...

We were blown away.

You see, the reason I love this charitable event is not the excuse to hang out with family, drink a few beers and raise a few bucks in the process. No, the real reason I love this day more than any other is because I can see the true power and love reflected in everyone. The generosity of hundreds pouring together in a giant effort to rid the world of evil. To remember. To honor. And to never forget.

I will never forget these days.

Every year I am constantly overwhelmed by the large support. My heart explodes in happiness and I just don't know how to truly say "thank you" to each and every person.




Words just aren't enough sometimes.

So I hope to convey to all those people who came, who donated, who fought back, Team ReJoyce is so thankful for everything you have done. I know the heavens are singing in praise for the hundreds who showed up.

And for the $15,000 we raised on that day :)


Thank you.

(Photo rights belong to Barbara Stevenson and Valerie Nowak. Thanks for letting me steal these off Facebook!)

Texas Lullaby

When you were singing,
I got that feeling
deep down inside.
And for the first time
in a long time
I wish'd you hadn't said goodbye.

Almost ten years
since I've shed tears,
and heard you sing the song.
I still keep you close to my heart,
so it doesn't hurt so long.

Because you are my Texas,
my sweet Texas,
my Texas lullaby.
And this way, I can keep you
and never have to say goodbye.

Hello there, my name is...

Jake.



This was me when I was only 3 days old. I look a little bit like a rat, but don't worry, I grew out of this stage fairly quickly and became quite the looker.



When I was born I was supposed to one day become a narcotic detection dog, along with my litter mates.



So my original handler believed I would outgrow my laziness in time.



But, by the time I was 3 months old, it was beginning to look like a career in Vice was not going to unfold for me. But hey, I was still doggone cute.




By 5 months, my laziness proved that it would never go away. So, Jordan and Shirley decided to keep me as their pet instead of allowing me to go to another home.



Because as it turns out, although I am not an awesome drug-sniffing pooch, I am a pretty "special" labrador retriever.



I like to do odd things. Most of which are not typical "dog" characteristics. For instance, I hate to fetch, go for walks, or lick the peanut butter out of jars. In fact, those things straight up frighten me. The only things I want out of life are to sleep, be fed, and loved on 24/7.

Sp, if I am not sleeping in odd positions:



you can bet I am by your side, holding my paw out and staring at you with my big emotion filled puppy dog eyes, begging for you to pet me.




I can do lots of tricks in my "sit pretty" position.



And I know, since I am so special and not cut out for the narcotic dog life, I am very lucky to have such good owners. They make me the happiest dog in the world.