Warning: The Following is a Sunday Scribbling with a lack of Optimism

I don't even know where to start today. I've been in a kind of funk since the semester began. My brain woke up from its 45+ day hibernation and now it's in overload mode. I think it's trying to make up for the absence of critical thought. I feel as if I have to share my knowledge and my opinions with others because if I don't my brain will go into a sort of constant spin motion where all I can think about is life, the world, the economy, and the new Obama administration. I think I am going a little crazy. Maybe it's just my brain's way of trying to compute all the new information I've received since I returned last week. I wish it would end soon because any more nights of restless sleep and I might just sell all my shoes, grow out my hair, move out of my apartment, don a mu-mu and live underneath the century oak with my guitar and sing Peter, Paul and Mary tunes for the rest of my life.

Growing up can be stressful on the mind.

I've been questioning a lot of things lately. Namely, prayer and devotion, my career track, my relationship, society, school, etc. All of this has made me frustrated. Frustrated over small things too, like other people criticizing me for the choices I have made. Seems to me sometimes that the world doesn't want me to succeed. My peers sure don't that's for sure. I don't understand why it's so hard for some to grasp the idea of bettering their lives. Plus, it amazes me that sometimes, no matter how much I try to move on with my life, others are still stuck in their bubble of a world. I wish they would just realize that everyone wants different things and being different isn't always wrong. Is it so wrong for me to want great things for my life?

I just want to be taken seriously.

I don't want to be treated like a teenager anymore. I am at an awkward age where I feel mature enough to handle my life as an adult but society doesn't. I believe that sometimes, growing up isn't just hard for the individual, but for all those surrounded by and a part of that person's life. Mostly, I think I feel this way because this is a part of who I am. I have always been an independent person, but its hard being on your own when there are still strings attached. One of the things I cherish about living independently is the freedom I have to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whom ever I want. If I want to study all night, I will. If I want to do only half of my homework assignment and pay for the consequences later, I will. There is just so much more satisfaction in life when you know you have achieved something great all on your own.

I want to achieve my goals at my own pace.

Of course, the above statement will most likely never occur, because I would be nowhere if it weren't for the people in my life. As much as I say I love to do things on my own, I admit that in moments of weakness I need God and family to help me get through them. I thank them for the patience they have to put up with my stubbornness. Whenever I begin to question my motives they are always there to extend a reassuring hand. I love them for it. As of present, I am having a moment of doubt, but I know deep down that if I trust in the right people, everything will work out.

I do hope I am not going crazy...Maybe it's time for some Food Network or something.

Before I have my teeth drilled away

Well, school started (in the background of my thoughts I hear a very sarcastic HOORAY!). This may be my toughest semester yet, what with all the reading (and reading journals I have to keep for everything I read in my American Lit. class), presentations, and unannounced tests (yes, that would be TESTS not quizzes) I am going to be completing and preparing for. However, in the end I only have 2 final exams to complete at the commencement of the semester! (Now I hear a very sincere HOORAY!) Of course, it's Thursday and if it were any other week I would be ecstatic over the start of the weekend...if only it were any other week. Today, I am going back to the dentist to begin my last round of procedures. I have a few cavities that need to be drilled. Although I am not proud of the number, I have to remember that I have not been to the dentist in what...almost 7 years? So that's like, one cavity a year...almost. I will, however, totally blame this on my family's genetic background of having less than perfect enamel. I brush my teeth twice every day (and now I FLOSS!) and have been for the past 7 years, but mother nature overcame.
So, excuse me for being a little less than enthused about my upcoming Novocaine injections in less than hour.

Gosh I hate the dentist.

I know its Playlist Thursday, so maybe I can manage to squeeze a little optimism out of my ever more adrenaline infused thoughts and post some great music (in my opinion).

Probably, most likely actually, you have realized that my taste in music is a little varied. On that note I will mention that I kind of have a soft spot for church hymns.

I couldn't find the artist's whom's version I love the best, but I guess this will do. I think this song is absolutely beautiful, and yes, I do have it on my Ipod. Along with this one:

Sometimes, music without words speaks more loudly than a song with a thousand lyrics.

It can be a little odd when I have my ipod on shuffle and these two songs are accompanied by something of this nature:

Who says Bach and Bad Company don't go hand in hand? In my world they do.

I like a little of everything :)

- Shirley

Sunday Scribblings

Here are seven things going on in my life in the upcoming week:

1.) I will be attending Moulton's Jr. Livestock Show to watch Jordan's younger sister show her steer "Chance". I have no idea how these things work, what the judges look for, or anything anyone tries to explain to me about the event. All I need for them to tell me is if her cow was prettier than the other cows and I'll be all set.

2.) I am returning to the lovely town of College Station. I've been at home with my lovely father and younger brother and sister since December 10th...that's a looong time. I enjoy every minute I spend here with my family, it's so peaceful and relaxing, but after 6 weeks, I am a little more than eager to return back to life as I left it up at school. My independent ways is my new lifestyle and I am so ready to return to doing things my way on my own time in my own home.

3.) School begins on Tuesday! This is pretty much self explanatory.

4.) My search for a new home for this fall will begin. It's never too early to start looking, especially up here in college town. By the time May rolls around almost all the decent places will be leased up and I for one am not going to be caught diddle-daddling the time away. I'm going to hit the pavement straight away and when I see a good place you can bet I am putting my name all over it.

5.) Nursing Jordan back to health. He's come down with a nasty cold and everyone knows how men act when they are ill. The whole world is coming to an end due to the sniffles. Of course, this is a yearly occurrence for us. He'll get sick first and get over it within a week and then I come down with the same cold but take decades to fight it off. Last year I was sick for three weeks straight with some sort of upper respiratory infection. God help me if that happens again.

6.) Aggie basketball. That is all that needs to be said. Some of you (especially those who are non Aggies) may be under the impression that I am a typical "brainwashed" A&M student. But I will have you know that I never went under the "brainwashing" ritual, A.K.A. Fish Camp (or t-camp for transfer students). I just love the school. So gig'em!

7.) Praying, staying on top of school work, and enjoying life to the fullest.

The week doesn't seem that busy when I lay it all out there. Actually, it seems pretty easy and relaxing and I am sure it will be, but then again God works in funny ways sometimes so I won't be the least surprised if he decided to throw in some curve balls and mix it up a bit. I guess that's why I never really plan too much. I know he has special things in store for all of us and only he knows when and what is going to happen. I just free up my schedule to make living the life God has made for us a little more easier.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and a happy and healthy week!

- Shirley

A little Aggie Athletic enthusiasm to accompany this week's jams.

Hooray it's Thursday! Besides the start of the weekend, we get to celebrate the Fightin' Texas Aggie men's basketball team's awesome and completely dominant victory over the ranked Baylor Bears last night. Whoop! I am sure my older brother is just as pleased as I am over last night's performance. Let's keep our fingers crossed for Saturday when we play the very talented team from Oklahoma University (or as those tsippers call them O-who?).

The spring semester begins on Tuesday, the day after MLK day, and although I am not ready to go back to the stress (cause my stress levels hit an all time high in December) I am SOOOO ready to attend those Aggie sporting events that I love so much! If you happen to be channel surfing and catch a glimpse of myself and a few friends sawing off horns on ESPN, don't be alarmed...down in College Station it's a perfectly normal thing. We already have our fantastic basketball season underway, and you can bet I'll be one of the many Reed Rowdies reserving their seat for the remaining games against Tceh (that's Texas Tech in Aggie lingo), t.u., Missouri, Iowa State, Okie Light (Ok. St.), Kansas State, Kansas, Nebraska, and Colorado. I hope we beat the hell out of all of 'em! Furthermore, the Aggie women basketball team which is ranked #6 in the nation and doing very well, our softball team which ended their season at #2 last year and runner up in the NCAA National Championship game, baseball which is currently rated #4 in the NCBWA poll (my dad said that was a really good thing) and the defending Big XII champs. So yes, I am VERY excited about Texas A&M spring sports. Who wouldn't be when our athletics are doing so well! So gig'em Ags and see you in a few days!

Another plus of returning back to school, I will actually be able to have a life and enjoy my weekends once again. I hear the Texas Hall of fame a - calling. Let's hope Jordan is in the mood for some dancing! I love 2-stepping, waltzing, and doing the Polka (don't knock it til you try it). Plus, it's a great way to get some exercise! So you can bet I have lots of country music (and I mean TEXAS country music) on my ipod. I especially LOVE dancing to this song with Jordan:

Someday, I want to learn to play the fiddle...someday. Of course, who doesn't love a little Stevie Ray Vaughn?

That one is for you Elaine.

You can't have Stevie on your Ipod without Jimmi, it would break all the rules of guitar heroicism (actually, this semester I am taking a class called "Guitar Heros" and no, I don't think its about the popular video game. How cool is that class going to be?!?!?!?).

Whoop! Have a Great TGIF everyone and a safe and blessed weekend!

- Shirley :)

Playlist Thursday

Ladies and Gentlemen, boy and girls, I'm back. I have successfully fought through my week of hell on earth and am ready to get back in the game. You know it's bad when I didn't even have the motivation to blog. I literally sat on the couch and tried not to move for five days.

Praise the Lord, I feel better.

Nonetheless, when you're immobile on a sofa for a couple of days, your mind really begins to wander. I am a huge music fan and thought it would be interesting to post some of my most favorite songs. Now, let it be known that I have probably 947 "favorite" songs and listing them ALL would probably not go over so well. I've decided to just list a few on Thursdays because, well, deep down I believe Thursdays were created to be mini music celebration days. It makes sense though doesn't it? I mean, all the bars do run their best paylists on Thursdays, and the Texas Hall of Fame is THE place to be in Bryan on a Thursday night if you get the sudden urge to 2-step. It just seems right. Music always puts me in a good mood, so after a stressful week, I celebrate the beginning of the weekend by turning up the Ipod (in College Station, weekends begin on Thursdays because we adopted some kind of ancient calendar system). So, after the week I had, even though I am not in school yet (12 days!), I hope you don't mind if I mellow out and jam to some candy 1960's era oldies.

Have I mentioned that I love Oldies music? We're talking like Barry Mann and the Archies old here...and yes, I am serious. For instance:

My sister Elaine will appreciate that one. So yes, I have this thing for music that was popular when my parents were in high school and Crimson and Clover is just one of many.

Here's another one that gets me every time I hear it:



LOVE IT! James Taylor really is a great songwriter. Moving away from the oldies genre, we get these last two for your listening pleasure:

Go ahead and say I like weird music. I'll admit that yes, some of it is a little different, but that's it. I don't believe it's weird or unusual, just different.

So every Thursday I'll post a couple of my favorite songs, and hopefully some of them (because I realize not everyone will like ALL of them) will become your favorite too.

Til then,

hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Ouch

So I have this thing about doctors...

I don't go to them.

It's not really a fear of pain that keeps me from going (in a way it kind of is), but more the fact that it brings back memories and feelings from my past that I would rather not reminisce about. Call me stubborn (because I am) and stupid, but I just HATE going to the doctor. I won't go until I am dragged into their office. Jordan being the one who is pushing me through the door about 90% of the time. Actually, the last time I went to see a doctor was in 2006. One morning I woke up feeling like death. I never took my temperature but was pretty sure I was running a fever. My throat felt like someone had forced nails down my esophagus and my body ached like nobody's business. After a day, my fever subsided but my throat only got worse. My tonsils swelled to the size of grapefruits (that might be an exaggeration, but it sure felt that way) and it hurt to swallow so much I grimaced every time. I suffered through it for 4days, thinking it was just a virus and it would run its course. Jordan wanted me to go see a doctor. Of course, I refused.

Then my ears started to ache.

I brought it up to my Dad, and he told me that wasn't a good sign and that I should consider going into the clinic. Nonetheless, I preferred to be stubborn and carried on with my business. The next day, it hurt to talk. After school one day, Jordan finally grew tired of my groaning and pushed me in my car and ordered me to drive to our local doctor's office. He almost literally dragged me into the place. He can be so demanding. It turned out, I had some sort of infection and was prescribed antibiotics.

My throat felt immediately better the next day.

Now, why it took me a week to get to a doctor so I could feel better by the next day is still beyond me. Plus, you'd think I would have learned my lesson after this little episode.

I haven't.

It's happening all over again. I have had some female issues since my junior year of high school. Its gotten to the point where I can clean out a whole bottle of Ibuprofen in a week and the pain brings me to tears. My mood swings are out of control, and they too can also bring me to tears. Poor Jordan, he has to put up with so much of my crap. For the past four years I have lived with this agony because I didn't want to go to the doctor. Not only has Jordan tried to get me to go, but so has his mother and all of my sisters and up until this point I have refused.

Until now.

My current state is a miserable one. My last episode of PMS was horrible. I was the meanest son of a gun in probably a hundred mile radius (but when you're in Moulton, that really isn't much). I am drawing the line. My stupidity and stubborness has gone far enough. I am throwing in the towel. Everyone, you win.

I am going to see a doctor.

Hopefully in 2 weeks, cause this crap has to come to an end PRONTO. But I am sure after all this is over with my hard head will return and the next time I come down with something like typhoid fever I will still refuse to see a doctor until I am on my death bed.

I wonder who I inherited this from ;)

til then,

happy health to you all.

- Shirley Anne