It sure as hell has been raining a whole lot these past few days, and at the worst time too. Other than the fact that I have the world's worst umbrella (a slight breeze blows the dern thing inside out), I no longer have a valid parking pass during the day, so going to and from work has become quite a daily adventure. Add on top of that moving into a new duplex, scrubbing skunk out of a mattress, and running about a thousand errands every day you get my life as I am currently living it. The worse part is that school hasn't even started yet. Lord have mercy on my soul. We're looking at a 16-hour course load, 30-hours of work a week at one job and 20 at the other (yes, I will be working not one but two jobs this fall), lest we forget football games (which undeniably entails me to put in more work hours). In between all of that I have to find time to study, eat, sleep and spend time with Jordan. Just thinking about all of this is stressing me out so you can imagine the state I'll be in this fall semester. I successfully raised my GPA from an embarrassing number to a more appealing score over the summer and hope to continue the upward trend. However, being forced to work as much as possible just so I can get by on bill payments and have food to eat will throw me into a juggling routine, and I have never been much of a juggler. Then again, with all of the school work and job work I'll be doing in the next 15 weeks I may not have time to eat at all so maybe I won't have to worry about a food budget in the end.
But its just for one semester, right? Come the holiday season everything should be fine...right? Unfortunately, not in my case. Once December hits and I've gotten through the seven days of gray-hair raising, hell bent finals week I STILL have a load to carry. Obviously, the holidays require more money for gifts, money that I don't know I will ever have, and even though I my 16 hour school semester will have ended by then I'll still have to suffer through a minimester that I will be forced to take to catch up with my scholastic duties. So again I will be studying for a 4 hour class I'll be sitting through every day of the Christmas break and working as much as I possibly can to finance holiday gifts, bills, and OH WAIT, that cruise I am supposed to set sail on in May that I still owe money for. SON OF A BITCH. Hahaha.
So in the next three months I'll be working two jobs, living at the library (even though I am paying out the ass to live in a 2-story duplex), and trying to find time to be a normal every day college student. Hold on, wait, I think I may have just figured something out..... Isn't being broker than shit, eating Ramen every night for supper, and studying as much as you can in between finding time to spend with your boyfriend, friends, and family the life of an every day college student?
I guess I am all set then.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Six Years Ago
It only seems fitting that today be the rainiest day we’ve had all summer. I guess the heavens decided to cry along with my heart today. Maybe the skies were making up for all the tears I have refused to let fall not only today but in the days past. Six years sounds like a long time. Hell, in six years one can go through all four years of high school and have 2 years of college under their belt. There is a great deal of maturing a person undergoes in six years, regardless of age. Why should I be any different? Six years ago today I was 14, two months shy of my 15th birthday and approximately a week and a half short of starting my freshman year of high school. How much have I learned and grown since that day? Maybe a little more than I wanted too. However, I have no choice in the matter. The lord has his reasons and I truly believe things happen for a reason. I think in six years’ time some of those reasons have become evident.
Six years after August 5, 2002 I find myself sitting in a chair listening to the rain patter against my bedroom window, about to finish a college paper, and I can’t help but stare at the clock on my computer, the date screaming out its dark and hurtful memories. Nonetheless, I believe after six years, even though the memories still bear a great deal of pain, I have grown and matured enough to accept my past. Of course, I wish she were still here with me today helping me with my school assignments, telling me all about our family history, and gossiping about Jordan. But, I think a level of acceptance has finally crept its way into my thoughts. On this day every year I am no longer struck with the pangs of longing for her return or questioning her departure. Instead, I am celebrating her life and the time (even though small) we spent together. Once I was worried the world would completely forget and move on, and no one would ever talk or remember her ever again. Well, I was right, the world has moved on, and so has my life. I realized that even though the world has moved on and accepted that she is no longer apart of the earth’s everyday happenings, she is still very much a part of who I am and my life. My mother will forever be remembered as long as I keep her alive in my thoughts and in my memories. So today isn’t about remembering the day she left us. Yes, I know that part of our lives will be there forever, no matter how hard we try and forget, but that’s the point. We will never forget.
I will never forget my mother, I will never forget the way she made me laugh, smile, and could always turn a bad day into a great one. I will never forget the time we shared, or the day when that time ended, but I will also never forget her for the type of person she has allowed me to grow into today. A person can mature a great deal in six years, but a person can never forget how special another person was, even if the last time they saw each other was six years ago.
Friday, August 1, 2008
I won't bitch too much
I always hate it when Jordan leaves town, always! I can't imagine what it's like for those long distance couples, they have a lot more strength than I do. It appears when he finally manages to get 3 days off of work in a row he bolts for the door and leaves town and every single time I am left all alone to sit and wait for him to return home. However, I won't bitch too much. I do get to see him every day when he gets off of work. I have the privilege of spending every single night with the man I love when so many are miles and miles away from theirs. Out of the many days throughout the year that I get to spend with Jordan, watching him leave to go to spend 3 days with his grandparents is the least I can do. I can't always be so selfish, even though I want to be. I get to spend the rest of my life with him and his grandparents will not be around forever. Believe me, I would join him if I could, but I have recently put an end to my lazy days by nabbing a job at my college's bookstore (I guess here is where I am supposed to say "the views expressed in this blog are mine and mine only and do not reflect the opinions of my employer?"). My first day begins tomorrow and will probably be 6 hours of box taping, book hauling, and stacking. Everyone jump up and down in excitement! No, really, I know its nothing great, but hey, it's a job and it pays and that's good considering I am squeezing every penny I can out of bank account just so I can buy some soup. Plus, I have also just put a down $250 dollar down payment for a cruise I am going on in May of 2009. I still owe more than half and if I really want to go on this cruise then I need to cough up the rest by March. Add on to that my monthly rent, electricity, cable/internet, and gas bills and we have ourselves a person on the edge of falling into some major debt. Not to worry though, the MSC Bookstore is here to save the day!
In recent events, other than starting my job and putting off a History paper that is 50% of my grade, I have been doing nothing. Jamboree was the event I was looking forward too all summer and now that it's over I'm finding myself bending ass over backwards trying to find something to do. I have cleaned my bathroom enough times you can eat off of the tile floor. I've probably left enough Facebook comments to leave people with the thought that I have now officially lost my mind, and there is only so much Youtube material on the internet that is actually worth watching. I have fallen into a routine and that SUCKS! As stated in my first post, I HATE routines! That's when life gets boring and I am not okay with boring. But I won't bitch too much because in about 2 weeks I'll probably be in the process of stuffing my own foot in my mouth when the new fall semester starts. Can anyone say spell M-A-T-H and G-E-O-L-O-G-Y? Yes, kill me, kill me now. Two of my worst subjects all taking place in one semester. Thank God I did not sign up for Spanish 2 or I might be on my way to buying a loaded pistol.
On the bright side, my family is going to the beach this week and even though I would kill to go and spend the whole week in the most beautiful beach house (more like mansion) with the rest of my family, I'll have to settle for the weekend. But again, I won't bitch too much. It's better than not going at all. So, a fair warning to all drivers planning to be on hwy. 6 and 290 Friday afternoon around 5:30, a '98 black Chevy S-10 will be headed south barreling around 80 mph (if the poor dear car can get up that fast). You'll know its me cause I'll be the one without a bumper speeding along the freeway with both windows down, hair flapping in the wind, Ipod swinging from the rear view mirror (the only mirror at that), and flicking off cars that insist going 55 until Navasota. I don't care if I offend you, I just want to get to the beach.
Actually, I have been watching a lot of CNN lately. Call me a huge nerd or political junkie but I am quite intrigued with world events today. There's a lot going on and the election is just the start of it. For those who are going to try and start a political discussion with me (although, I really have no idea who because the only other person I know interested in the election is just on the other side of my bedroom wall), don't bother. I know who I am voting for already. Nonetheless, that does not mean I have turned a blind eye to all of the recent developments or closed off my mind period. I watch and listen to the news everyday with an open mind, and who knows, maybe my mind will change, but as of now I am sold one one candidate.
My apologies for such a long post on such boring events, but this is my life. It picks up and it slows all the time. Currently it's at a slow point, but I won't bitch too much, I'm sure it will pick up, hopefully in a positive way. As for now, maybe I'll get back to trying to write my paper (note the "try"), or maybe I'll sit and stumble around the internet for a while before trying to fall asleep unsuccessfully. Then again, I'll probably just sit here and think about how much I miss Jordan already and wish he would come home. But, I won't bitch too much, because at least I know he will come home. Not today, not tomorrow, not even the next day, but soon...and I can't wait.
In recent events, other than starting my job and putting off a History paper that is 50% of my grade, I have been doing nothing. Jamboree was the event I was looking forward too all summer and now that it's over I'm finding myself bending ass over backwards trying to find something to do. I have cleaned my bathroom enough times you can eat off of the tile floor. I've probably left enough Facebook comments to leave people with the thought that I have now officially lost my mind, and there is only so much Youtube material on the internet that is actually worth watching. I have fallen into a routine and that SUCKS! As stated in my first post, I HATE routines! That's when life gets boring and I am not okay with boring. But I won't bitch too much because in about 2 weeks I'll probably be in the process of stuffing my own foot in my mouth when the new fall semester starts. Can anyone say spell M-A-T-H and G-E-O-L-O-G-Y? Yes, kill me, kill me now. Two of my worst subjects all taking place in one semester. Thank God I did not sign up for Spanish 2 or I might be on my way to buying a loaded pistol.
On the bright side, my family is going to the beach this week and even though I would kill to go and spend the whole week in the most beautiful beach house (more like mansion) with the rest of my family, I'll have to settle for the weekend. But again, I won't bitch too much. It's better than not going at all. So, a fair warning to all drivers planning to be on hwy. 6 and 290 Friday afternoon around 5:30, a '98 black Chevy S-10 will be headed south barreling around 80 mph (if the poor dear car can get up that fast). You'll know its me cause I'll be the one without a bumper speeding along the freeway with both windows down, hair flapping in the wind, Ipod swinging from the rear view mirror (the only mirror at that), and flicking off cars that insist going 55 until Navasota. I don't care if I offend you, I just want to get to the beach.
Actually, I have been watching a lot of CNN lately. Call me a huge nerd or political junkie but I am quite intrigued with world events today. There's a lot going on and the election is just the start of it. For those who are going to try and start a political discussion with me (although, I really have no idea who because the only other person I know interested in the election is just on the other side of my bedroom wall), don't bother. I know who I am voting for already. Nonetheless, that does not mean I have turned a blind eye to all of the recent developments or closed off my mind period. I watch and listen to the news everyday with an open mind, and who knows, maybe my mind will change, but as of now I am sold one one candidate.
My apologies for such a long post on such boring events, but this is my life. It picks up and it slows all the time. Currently it's at a slow point, but I won't bitch too much, I'm sure it will pick up, hopefully in a positive way. As for now, maybe I'll get back to trying to write my paper (note the "try"), or maybe I'll sit and stumble around the internet for a while before trying to fall asleep unsuccessfully. Then again, I'll probably just sit here and think about how much I miss Jordan already and wish he would come home. But, I won't bitch too much, because at least I know he will come home. Not today, not tomorrow, not even the next day, but soon...and I can't wait.
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