Forever and Always

So tonight Jordan is studying for a test and since he insists on locking himself up in his room, I decided to steal his computer and take a look at some of the images he has stored on his drive.

This is what I found:





My boyfriend is unique, but I love him for it.

He also has moments like these:





and these moments I cherish.

Jordan does a lot for me, so much that it will take more than the rest of my life to repay him. I don't deserve his love, but I thank God every day for it. I thank the Lord every day for people like him and I am pretty sure that if the world had more Jordan's in it, it wouldn't be such a bad place to live after all.

Forever and always :)

Don't forget about Thanksgiving

The holiday season is approaching! Everywhere you go decorations are beginning to don the outside of business buildings and homes and 107.3 is already playing Christmas music 24 hours a day. Nonetheless, besides the recent flourish of holiday cheer, I haven't forgotten about Thanksgiving. In the past, I waited patiently for the November festivities to come to an end before I turned on my never ending Christmas CD's and hung shiny lights sparkling colors of red and green. But, the older I get the harder this becomes. I'll admit defeat. Yesterday, I turned on holiday music for the first time this year (and I MIGHT be listening to it now as we speak) and you guys, the excitement just built up inside. After spending about an hour listening to Frosty the Snowman and Silver Bells, my little brother/roommate decided it was "time to go out and buy Christmas decorations and put lights in the house, and maybe buy a fake tree, and decorate the house that day so that when we came home from Thanksgiving it would already be done and we could maybe make some peanut butter squares while we're at it and...."

OK, that was enough.

I realized then that maybe we were jumping the gun a little bit. I turned off the music and refused to go out and buy plastic candy canes for the yard. Just a couple more days and we could do all that, but for now...let's concentrate on Thanksgiving (but a little music won't hurt, will it?).

Last year, my Dad's side of the family came down to good ole' Moulton, TX to celebrate the annual November holiday. It didn't take long after they arrived for events such as these to occur:



Oh ya, they made shots and passed them around for quite a while.





Welcome to a Stevenson Thanksgiving.

Now, in all honesty, this doesn't happen every year. My Dad and his siblings went to Mexico the previous summer to celebrate the oldest brother's and his wife's birthdays and apparently they were reminiscing on some shots they had tried while away on vacation. Nevertheless, it was quite funny to watch Aunt Toni choke down a "snake bite". There is one aspect of a Stevenson get together that never fails to make an appearance, the Uncle Gary Bloody Mary. So I am sure, come Thanksgiving morning next Thursday, the meal won't be the only thing getting prepared.

Another thing about our family holiday traditions is that we don't usually have the traditional meal. We don't eat turkey on Thanksgiving or Christmas, we eat pork, and this year we're bringing in a whole hog and roasting him on a pit in the back yard (or field in our case since it's in the country). My dad said he's putting an apple in its mouth just for Barbara, I'm sure she'll love it, haha.

Last year's Thanksgiving was a whole lot of fun. In fact, I found out I got into Texas A&M on thanksgiving day! It was an awesome feeling. So we went and did a little of this later that night:



We celebrated with a little bit of dancing!

So, the holiday season is fastly approaching, but there are still 5 more days until Thanksgiving, and to be honest, I am a little bit excited about it. I can't wait until I get to eat all that wonderful food, spend time with the side of the family whom I don't see too often, and maybe (hopefully) watch the Fightin' Texas Aggies BTHO t.u.!
A-A-A WHOOP!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Mid Week Updates

Jordan arrived back from Illinois late last night around 11:30. I thank the Lord for returning him home safe and in one piece. He had quite the experience interviewing for a summer internship with John Deere and so many stories! I hope everything he has worked so hard for since he was eight years old becomes a reality, but time will only tell! You have all of my support, Jordan :).

I raced over to A-1 Wrecking company this morning to remove my car from their tow yard, now I am $118.30 cheaper (note to self: don't park in the University Square parking lot unless going to Schlostky's or IHOP). Now, I am home, finished with class for the day, and waiting for Jordan to arouse from his nap (so he can tell me more about his trip!). Since I don't really have anything to write about, I thought I'd be a little self centered today and give away some random facts about myself that only close family members are aware of (maybe).

1. No matter the ice cream flavor, I've gotta have chocolate syrup on it. Even if it's triple chocolate, I prefer quadruple.
2. I have recently discovered (in January of this year to be exact) that I am not a fan of flying. It's not the height, the dangers of crashing, or anything of that matter but the fact that I can't stand the feeling of being 40,000 feet in the air and bouncing around wind waves and such. The G-forces of take off and etc. kill my head.
3. I don't drink liquor, can't stand the stuff. I also don't really enjoy becoming intoxicated and don't drink just to reach that state. I drink beer because I like the taste (call me weird), not because I like the effects.
4. I am a huge fan of flip flops and enter into a state of mild depression when the winter months roll around.
5. I am ALWAYS cold. No kidding. It can be 90+ degrees outside but if the air conditioner is on in the house, I need a blanket. I am very rarely hot.
6. I don't talk a lot. Not because I don't like people, but just because that's the way I am. I don't really have a good reason why. I have always been more of a writer.
7. I hate saying goodbye and goodnight. I say it to the people I love (Jordan, of course, has to hear me say it every night) but I usually won't say it to acquaintances. I don't mean to be rude, but there's a bad experience I have with those words and I am sure there is some psychologist out there that is willing to explain why. I am not.
8. I hate dirty bathrooms but am, at some times, too lazy to clean mine. I don't let it get too out of control though.
9. Faith is a very personal thing to me. I have my faith in God and our Lord but don't always feel the need to express it to the world.
10. My ears are not pierced. Don't really know why they still aren't. It's not cause I don't want to...I do, I just...I don't know.
11. Christmas is the BEST time of year. I have a slight obsession with it.
12. I am not into the whole pretty-boy look for a guy (just look at my boyfriend and that is obvious) nor am I into the emo, goth, etc. look. Jordan is perfect :).
13. I want to write and play music for people, but I never want to be famous.
14. I have to sleep on the right side of the bed (when laying in the bed) otherwise everything is off.
15. I love my nephews a lot and wish I could see them more. One day, when my life isn't consumed with projects and tests, I will.
16. I LOVE Texas, but am kind of looking forward to living in another state once I finish school.
17. I hate going to the Doctor and into hospitals. I hate the feeling I get when I am in those places. Sort of an anxiety for me.
18. I drive with my arm out of the window (when they are down) and Jordan HATES IT! But it's relaxing for me. So muah-ah-ahhh I am going to keep doing it.
19. I HATE Seafood.
20. But I will eat trout sparingly and that's it.
21. I get carsick when in the backseat of a small car or when I am reading. Blah.
22. If someone is sick I avoid them at all costs. NO lie.
23. Roaches scare the living poop out of me. I will cry if one crawls on my leg.
24. I used to be deathly afraid of dogs but now want to own one sooooo bad!
25. I was the first birth my mother had an epidural. That's right, she had 5 before me Au natural. I guess I was a little difficult.
26. I don't really like talking on the phone. In person is WAY better (cause remember, I am awkward).
27. I never wear makeup. Only a small bit (and by small I mean only mascara and eyeliner) for when I go to special formal occasions, like weddings and such. It makes me feel fake.
28. I hate fake people. Everyone should embrace who they are and be real, ALL THE TIME.
29. I believe homemade macaroni and cheese is the bomb.com (tribute to Katie P.)
30. My mom is a HUGE part of my life even though she is with our Lord. I seek to be the person she was (and that's a very hard thing to do).
31. My toenails and fingernails are never painted. Weird, I know.
32. I don't like it when people play with or touch my hair. Can't stand it actually.
33. I can't sit at home all week. I've got to get out and do stuff.
34. I love running simple errands with Jordan. We don't have to be doing anything special, just being with each other is enjoyable enough.
35. Sometimes, I like to have crappy things. Life is more enjoyable when you don't have to worry about material things and it's fun to laugh at.
36. I don't watch t.v. series. I like to watch shows every now and then but have never been a follower of programs today. Can't really say that was true in the past (American Dreams, duh), but I guess I don't have time too anymore.
37. I have recently discovered that I love to cook.
38. I like to stay up late and sleep in. Anything before 9 a.m. is too early (typical college student right?).
39. I like to talk about intelligent things.
40. I'd rather go to school than work any day. I wish I could get paid for attending class.
41. I secretly want to go on the View and give my two cents.
42. I love college football and basketball!
43. I am VERY modest, more than you probably think (and I am writing about myself...sort of ironic).
44. Most people, when they first meet me, think I am a...um..."female dog". I have no idea why, I guess it's a vibe I give off, but I promise, I am the farthest thing from a cruel, evil person. It's sooo hard for me to rude. It's not in my nature.
45. I am pretty sure Jordan is the one. I am still a little young and can't tell the future, but I do hope (and pray) that things continue the way they are. He is EVERYTHING to me.
46. Me and Jordan have actually seen our share of struggles and our relationship has been tested in more ways than some others may believe or experience at our age. Granted, we still have so much more maturing and learning to do, but I believe if we can get through what we have in the past, then we can get through a lot in our future.
47. Contrary to my older sister's belief, I can keep secrets and have lots of them ;)
48. I am terrible at math. Please don't ever ask me to add something in my head, I will have to use my fingers.
49. I hate running, smoking, people who cough 100,000 times during class, smack their food when they chew, and don't clean their dishes.
50. I love my family. Everyone! I am talking about my siblings, their wives (well, wife) and children, significant others, friends, Jordan's family (all of them too), and will forever and ever.


So there, 50 tid bits about me. Some may have been known, others maybe not so much. But now, to get the topic off of me...

Happy Birthday Ms. Dees! I know you don't like Birthdays but I think it's a great day to appreciate the life God has blessed you with. It's a beautiful day out, hope you enjoyed it! Eat some cake!

We Will Never Forget

Nine years ago today, I was in the sixth grade. Twelve years old, snuggled in bed safe and warm, and oblivious to what was occurring 75 miles northwest of Houston. My older sister aroused me from my deep slumber early in the morning to inform me that the Texas A&M Bonfire had collapsed.

The stack had fallen.

So many students (at least a greater majority) attending the University in the present time have no recollection of this event. They had only learned about it upon fish camp, or perhaps strolling the campus one day when they came upon the memorial.

I remember as if it were yesterday.

My older brothers were in College Station going to school (maybe the oldest one had graduated already, I can't remember) when the tragedy occurred, and my first thought was to make sure they were okay. My mother, of course, placed her call and made sure they were not on the Polo fields when it fell. They were both okay.

We were fortunate.

I sat and watched the television all morning. I watched as crew members removed log after log from the stack. I witness students jumping in to help whenever they deemed it necessary, hoping to recover their fellow Aggie family members. I saw helpless students drop to their knees to pray, the only thing they could do.



I cried.

I was shuffled off to school and taken away from my news outlet, but I still heard updates. I heard the number grow as people murmured in the hallway...2, 4, 6, 7, 11, etc. I felt so helpless. All I could do was watch. I clipped newspaper articles in the week after and made sure to keep them to make sure I would never forget.

I didn't need the newspaper articles.

What I felt that day was unexplainable. I was only twelve, but I had never felt more apart of the Aggie Family. I made my own memory ribbon and wore it to school over the next three days and continued to pray for the fallen 12 and 27 injured. A few weeks later we visited College Station and walked over to the Polo fields. My mother lost it. The atmosphere was amazing, both good and bad. Here was this area, roped off with police tape and orange temporary gating, where a tragic event occurred and where people lost loved ones and friends. Twelve had lost their lives, but there must have been over 40,000 sets of flowers, pots, rings, notes, and anything else the student body could think of laying beside the makeshift orange barriers. I later learned that at the time of the collapse students ran up and down their dorms yelling for everyone to go to the stack and help save those caught in the destruction. The football team and students came together and pulled off logs one by one with their own bare hands. The Aggie spirit was being tested.

The Aggie Spirit overcame.

Even in times of tragedy, we stood strong. Throughout the aftermath and the years to follow we helped in any way we could and made sure to never forget. I visited the memorial earlier this year in May, I walked away with a heavy heart. The events of November 18, 1999 were tragic, but we must never forget. Those students perished working on a tradition they loved at a school they held dear to their hearts, and for that reason we must treat them with the same devotion they gave to Texas A&M University. Now, I am not going to get into all the "should Bonfire be brought back to campus" argument. I don't believe I have the right to make that call, nor do I believe it to be the responsibility of anyone who was not affected by this event directly. We have to respect the families of the ones we lost. If they are comfortable with seeing one of A&M's greatest traditions burn again, then so be it, but until that time....

We must never forget.

Awkward display of emotion

I have always been an awkward person. Uncomfortable situations have always followed me around and now its at the point where I just embrace my dorkyness. Even the simple act of introducing myself or someone else is a task I can't seem to get down. I know I make it painfully awkward when I greet someone, or give them a hug goodbye, but I can't help it. I think the reason behind all of this is because I don't have a knowledge of societal boundaries. What I make up for in my academics (which isn't much) I lack in my social realm. For Example, I never know how much affection I am allowed to display for a fellow friend. I never want to come off as some creepy freak who is obsessed with other peoples' lives. I don't believe I am like this at all, but I fear that if I get to close to someone I will eventually push them away. In reality, I am probably doing the exact opposite.

Jordan's mother is a wonderful person, and I mean it. She undoubtedly goes down on my list as one of God's true survivors of the hardships of life. Everything that she has done and given up to provide a happy and secure life for her children is one of the most courageous and unselfish acts I have ever heard of. Lord knows times were not always perfect for this mother of two, but keeping her faith, she fought through it all and came out on top. She has the ability to spread and share her compassion with other people so easily, and when the opportunity arises to help out a friend in need she never hesitates. She is a great mother to her children, and a good friend of mine.

But how much is too much? How can I let her know how great of a person I think she is without pushing it too far? What are the rules? I don't know, and I may never find out, but I will go out on a limb and say that she brings a lot of happiness to a lot of people's lives, especially to someone who has the privilege of dating the son she so very finely raised. So thank you. Thank you, for being you and for helping fill a void in my life. If this is awkward enough, then so be it, for I cannot help it.

:)

Silence of Change

behold the days of yore
for times they cannot remain
no matter the effort you wish
objects are subjected to change

for though my heart is young
my experience is wise
and though I may not ponder
I can tell truth among lies

and yet it tears me apart
for thou has plunged one's eyes
ignorance shields the honesty
and apathy ceaselessly dies

change at times can be good
and yet, change can still be bad
what is it that you have done
to make my soul so mad?

but here the train it stops
you think I wish to care
your efforts prove unworthy
your tactics go without flair

for I am not choosing to condescend
and though it may yield a struggle
I am not here to dance with you
or wield anymore trouble

I will continue to go my way
to pursue what I have dreamed
you will continue to falsify
to live out what you have deemed

but say no hate when I have left
and am prospering down the road
while you remain behind lost and weary
afraid to carry the load

rejoice! For I will to see the world
and for this there lay a way
you cannot keep me from making a stride
and living out my day

its hard to see a friend refuse
what life has offered to give
a chance to grow, to experience life
a chance that you may live

So farwell, no need to weep
for I am not afraid
my sympathy lies within you
and the hate that you have made.

Brush and floss...no really...

OK, jumping right into the whole "I've never thought of that before" mood, here's a question: do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

Here's how I got to this thought....

I have had nothing but bad experiences with the dentist ever since I could remember. Once, I had to have my top two second premolars pulled before I could receive braces and I thought it was going to be no big deal. Little did I know it was going to be the most painful experience of my life. I remember that day as if it were yesterday, and I am sure the doctors (and my mother who, bless her heart, could hear me all the way out in the waiting room) can still hear me screaming in pain. Ever since then I have never had the cajones to jump back into a dental chair and risk experiencing that feeling over all over again.

Six years later, I am now paying the price.

I was eating a piece of candy corn the other day when the top of my back molar (tooth # 30 as Dr. Wolffe and Dr. Cotton would say) decided to break off and reveal a nasty little cavity. Excuse the bluntness of the next sentence, but as I held my chipped tooth in between my two fingers I had decided that maybe it was time to go to the dentists. I thought I was fine. I brush my teeth twice a day every day and do the occasional mouth wash. However, I won't lie, I don't floss.

Life lesson # 20, no matter what you think or believe, the dentists is actually telling the truth when he says you need to floss.

So now, I am scheduled to have my first ever root canal next Thursday at 10am. Oh the joys of Novocaine (which I swear, has something against me). On the bright side, my endodontist has a flat screen t.v. on the ceiling directly above the chair, so I get to watch whatever I want for 2 hours while he drills a giant hole in my tooth and rip out the nerve! Anyways (must not digress), as I was sitting in the chair during my preliminary exam (looking at the xrays, talking about my options, running some tests) I had the thought of what dentists do when its their time to reverse roles and stick their butts in the chair. I know they can't do it themselves (how cheap would that be?), but to be honest, whoever my dentist trusts to handle their teeth, I probably wouldn't mind having that same dentist doing a few tricks to mine. It was a weird and random thought, but it's got be even more weird for the dentist who gets to work on a fellow dentist.

Anywho, kind of a pointless entry but I have to get my mind off of my phobia. I WOULD like to thank Jordan for being a super sweet boyfriend and for being there for me. I know I am not dying, but come on ya'll, he insisted.

Plus, we don't have dental insurance so I am sure this is going to be REAL cheap.

Happy Smiles :)